CHILL out!

It is 34C right now and here I am tapping away at my desk in an air conditioned room, sipping a cup of masala tea. I had lunch with a friend earlier on in one of the most crowded tourist area and went straight home without checking out the malls like I used to. Too much unwanted noise, polluted air, and ridiculous traffic, I am so pleased to be back home and chill out!

I am the kind of people who need a lot of personal space and privacy. I used to be a social butterfly and a drama queen but as I get older, I prefer minimal socialization. I can always focus on my work but I must have my downtime in between to balance out. My favourite questions to myself when I am in the midst of overreacting, getting angry and frustrated are:

• Does it really matter?
• Who cares?
• Will it matter 5 years from now? or even 5 weeks from now?

These questions help me to instantly change my mood and mind.

Meanwhile, taking breaks throughout the day really helps as far as concentration / productivity is concerned. How do you take breaks? When do you take them? For how long do you take them? Make sure you don't wait until you burn out. As a start, I reject the idea of being connected 24/7 and that's why I don't have a smartphone. I don't want to be a slave to the virtual community and I like to have my own space (physical / virtual) to work on my own meaningful stuff. 

Being a workaholic myself, I enjoy what I do so I don't suffer from bouts of burnout. I take breaks by choice but it doesn't always have to follow work. I might take a break before getting my butt at the desk revamping my webpages; depending on how I feel at the time. Take a REAL break and not one by default!

Alone or Lonely?

I was bullied at school.
I became a social butterfly at university.
I was involved with someone for 9 years.
Many lovers throughout the years.
I became alone after the breakup.
I am alone but not lonely.

I learned not to be. The hard way. And I am pretty good at that.
I am single. I hardly have any friends whom I can count on. I live with my mother and she is the only relative I have. 
I travel alone. I dine alone. I seldom ask for help if at all.
I am intolerant of endlessly socializing and constant connecting.
Having a smartphone doesn't help.
Being alone is so so empowering and  freeing.
All the more reason I need space and time spent alone.

I have learnt to trust myself and become self-sufficient. 
I hate to be dependent on others, especially in a relationship.
I am okay just as I am, without anyone to complete me; or to keep me company.
I am happy by myself.

There are plenty of things I can do alone.
I tend to work on self-initiated projects that speak to me.
I pour myself into work that I am passionate about.
I get to know more about myself in the process.

Don't we all land on this earth alone? 
We spent 9 months alone in our mothers' wombs.
We take our first breath alone.
Knowing that we are going to leave this earth alone, I am no longer be afraid of loneliness.
It simply doesn't exist.
There are so many others out there who are alone.
Think of the prisoners locked in cells.
Think of the abandoned elders without a shelter.

And we all need solitude and get real quiet.
I enjoy listening to my own heart beat.
Being alone doesn't mean I am lonely.
Being lonely doesn't mean I am alone.
I choose to be alone rather than to be in bad company.
I prefer to live and speak my truth.
I am stronger than I thought I were.

Maybe that is the very reason why I choose teaching as a career.
Nurturing others through teaching fills the emptiness.
I consider myself a loner.
That is why I like to keep my pad spotless.
That is why I am in love with the nature.
That is why I meditate.
That is why I hardly watch TV.
Nothing beats the joy of creating something of value.
I am comfortable being alone.

The beauty of aging...

First breath of life. Aging. Sickness. Death. The phases of life we all share as humans. Part and parcel of what contributes to life. The only way you don't get old is that you die young. I have difficulties accepting the harsh reality of life but the reality is right here and now, staring back at me in the mirror. It is indeed depressing to see my 'old self' changing , gradually fading away, never to be seen again. 

Having said that, there are certain things we must take into consideration to make the transition  a tiny bit easier. I am still looking for meaning and purpose of my life, even though half a century has passed me by. There is still time to make meaning and realise my purpose before my last breath. Physically I am out of shape but to me my body is just a tool I carry around like a machine and no amount of changing new parts is going to make it brand new again. Loss and grief are the twins we encounter more frequently as we age so be prepared for it. Age is no secret to me and I tend to act my age (if not older). I have no intention of stop learning and improving, trying new things is the only way I know how to be alive. I am learning to live in the present, forget the past and pause for the future which might not even exist! I like to stretch out of my comfort zone every now and then  and travelling is one of the many options to shake my life up. I can't see life works without changes. 

Yes, the years of living in a city overpopulated with humans who are in constant competition and comparison are tough, but I get wiser just the same because of that. There were successes and mistakes, which are all parts of the life journey in a continuum. I can see more grey areas these days and right / wrong is not as clear-cut as I thought they were. I tend to judge less and instead accept people the way they are albeit the many differences. Minimalism appeals to me a couple of years ago and I truly believe in 'less is more'. Instead of proffering unsolicited advice, I am now leading others back to themselves to get in touch with their core being. I am not ashamed of my scars and wounds all over my body as they are testimony to my life experiences. No-one is immune to that!

I still think of myself as beautiful; in my prime years and now just the way I am. Makeup free. I am confident in my own skin. This is what I have gathered from aging.