setting unrealistic deadline...

I have been working on a Super BIG project-creating my first e-magazine incessantly for almost 2 months now and when I originally set myself a deadline for its launch, which is in 5 days time, I didn't realize I have set myself an unrealistic goal and I honestly don't think it can be released end of the month as promised (to myself and my contributors). 

Starting anything for the first time ain't easy, especially when it  is something of such magniturde and you are doing it alone, and learning a Design software always takes time, especially for someone who is hopeless in technology. It is one mf my dreams to have my own magazine so I really don't mind working 24/7, navigating away in the winter darkness and getting rejection from people who are either too proud or too busy to accept my invitation to contribute. I have been toiling away in tears figuring out how the software program works,researching for artists from all corners of the world who I believe are expertsl in their fields for content. I have been using my scanner a thousand time over for printables I wish to share with my readers. A lot of writing is done on top of my weekly newsletter and blog to get my messages across in my e-magazine. I take the project seriously as I believe it would benefit adults who have forgotten how to have fun and be a child again. 

There are still a handful of pages to go and I am still learning to insert videos onto the pages. There were times I wanted to throw in the towel but I persevere anyway as I visualize my dream comes true. I learn to be patient with setbacks and obstacles which are inevitable in doing anything worthwhile. I am doing a little bit everyday, and instead of rushing to make it to the launch on a day I set for myself, I might as well delay my schedule to another week or so, as I prefer quality to a sub-standard product. 

I shall send out another post about my new baby as soon as it is done to my satisfaction!

Be nice until it's time not to be nice.

My body doesn't lie and I regretted not listening to my body when the signal was loud and clear: don't fall for it; this is too good to be true. I chose to trust someone I have never met, took up her offer, only to find that she has a mental problem and of course I was cheated.

Here is the abridged version of my story. Don't feel sorry for me and I am only blogging about it to vent my anger and to warn you if you happen to be finding work with a trusted organisation. Please feel free to pass this around to whoever you believe might need a reminder before getting involved in a job which seems to good to be true.

The principal at Think International School called me and offered me a temporary job for 10 days from 8:30am-3:30pm at $1000 per day. I went to see her in her office a couple of hours later. She seemed 'normal' to me and after showing me the schedule, she told me that I could leave at 1:30pm as the classes that followed were Chinese so I won't be needed. I asked for a contract but she said she could be trusted and that documents were not necessary as this was only a temp job. 

I worked the next morning. On the second day, I felt something wasn't right so I asked her to send me an email to confirm my temp employment (if not a contract) and I received an email much later in the evening that the pay rate was $600. Now what if I never asked for the confirmation? Did I agree to the 40 % reduction? This is just outrageous.

I emailed her straight away about the misunderstanding and she replied that I should have used my rationale to determine the pay rate if I was going to cut short the hours. What kind of logic is that? Am I supposed to read her mind and without the terms in black and white, I couldn't possibly dispute with her decision, could I? She could have easily denied my existence by the end of the 10 days! She even asked me to go back to make up for the hours if I really wanted the $800 so badly. She is so so sick  to believe that I would even consider stepping into the premise that I suggested she seek psychiatric treatment. 

After a few exchanges of correspondence, she offered to send me a cheque of $1200 by mail. I was so sick of hearing from her that I thought I'd accept it and get it done and over with. A few minutes later, another email popped up saying that I needed to pick up the cheque at the school. Talk about changing your mind. Then she asked me to give her my banking details so the money could be transferred directly into my account if I don't want to pick up in person. 

How can I possibly trust someone who changes her mind every few minutes? Anyway, I have been sick to the core the past few days and she has sucked my energy dry. I no longer want to have anything to do with her and the school so I guess I'd take a risk giving her my banking details to shut her up. 

Another lesson learned from this: there are 'educators' out there who abuse their power and take advantage of people who are looking for work as a teacher (or teaching assistant)  by putting on a fake smile and a calculating mind (I am sure this is not the first time she did this) assuming that we are all vulnerable and gullible. 

I strongly advise parents to be cautious about putting their children under the care of TIS. Please give it a second thought if you wish to spend your money on an institution whose principal is so screwed up and unethical. You don't want to be ripped off, do you?

I am absolutely normal, just different...

For multi-potentialites like me, without a 9-6 office job but busy all the same due to a full plate of projects going on which are changing all the time, I am kinda stuck when people ask me the question, " What do you do?"

I guess there are pros and cons for being a multi-potentialite, as I play various roles at different times and taking up / letting go of projects at different point in time. Hence, I tend to tailor my answer depending on who is doing the asking. I might introduce myself as a writer if I happen to meet someone who is in the publishing industry. I would consider sharing more only if I feel they are genuinely interested and I can always provide a one word answer when I want out. I usually throw out a feeler before diving into the role in depth to avoid unwanted elaboration.

I get lost about my identity at times as I juggle so many different roles alone at different times of the day. I don't have a conventional job title and I like to respond by saying what and why I do instead. "I teach local school kids English in order to make a difference in their academic lives." "I love writing and I send out blog posts and newsletters on a regular basis to subscribers." " I hand-make art pieces, in particular, wall hangings, which I sell online at Etsy." " I am in the midst of creating my own e-magazine to be launched end of the month; which targets adults who are stressed, overwhelmed, bored and even angry at their jobs and that they need to become a child again for balance and wellbeing." The list is endless. 

It doesn't matter if others understand me and what I do just because I don't have a proper job title or that I don't work in a cubicle at strict working hours. Rather than being a specialist which doesn't fare well with a scanner personality, I prefer exploring different disciplines and acquiring different experiences which have a purpose in itself. 

I like the flexibility, the ability to pivot between subjects and take on new roles. In fact I thrive in that. It is so important to be true to who I am and Being a specialist in out of the question. I like to open up to possibilities which allows me to switch things up and do amazing things. I take my dreamer self along to cafes and just people watch and mind-wander away which is productive in ways you can't even imagine. Inspiration and ideas come to me and trigger my creativity which a dead-end job could never do. Learning and expanding my mind is more important than what outcome they lead; at least not for a multipod.

Call me a dabbler if you wish but I am more into new projects that stretch my comfort zone than being an expert in any one area. You might see an unfocused mess on my CV rather than someone who has many interests and has variety and learning on top of her priority list. Unsurprisingly, time is a big issue for multipods and there is so much you want to get done. (Maybe that's one of the reasons that I charge a relatively higher fee for the hours I work.) It isn't easy for me to decide on which project to start with when there are so many choices. I am constantly overwhelmed by all the information available to me both on and off line that it is not surprising that I take regular sabbaticals and solitude to recover from the intense consumption. Instead of actually finishing / completing a project, you might find some leaving around my house which I have 'finished with' when I am bored with them. I might pick them up again in the near future though...

Can you relate to my identity as a multi-potentialite?

Perfectionism sucks!

I used to suffer from chronic perfectionism which manifested itself in various ways. I needed to be in control at all times, which brought out the leadership in me without being aware of it. I had a problem trusting others, and it could get out of hand when you trusted yourself more. In my eyes, nothing was ever good enough; never mind if it was something serious or trivial. Isn't that obvious that my anxiety of missing out on something will somehow stop it from being the best version of myself? Consequently, I had to do everything myself which was totally impossible for a human being with limitations. I am now learning and making significant progress to leave unfinished projects on my desktop, files and heavy binders on the floor and go to bed forgetting my laundry. I am learning how to let go of little things knowing that it is okay to stay put in the grey area and nothing has to be black or white. It is typical of me to abandon a project when I feel I weren't doing my best, thinking what the whole point is when it isn't absolutely perfect from the start. Setting myself a standard of getting things right the first time has brought about many quitting and resigning. I was about to throw in the towels after my first day at work in my new part-time job. I am seriously considering the option unless I can kick perfectionism in the butt and just get the job done. Being a perfectionist is both time and energy draining and I am working on easing off on my perfectionist ways, knowing that what I am doing is good enough.

So instead of focusing on being perfect (which is a myth), I need to change my mindset to completing my job the best I can and let it be. I will be focusing on the barest essentials and make adjustment along the way based on my accumulated experiences. I'll make assessment maybe once a month or so rather than judging my progress every step of the way. 

I am still learning to cope in imperfect circumstances and to accept my flaws. Life gets boring when there is no challenges so instead of cursing the harsh reality of life, I'd better come up with workarounds and solutions. 1 % of anything is better than 100% of nothing. I'd be forever unemployed if I am waiting for perfection to knock on my door. Setting myself deadlines also helps to curb my perfectionist tendency. Finishing something I started feels awesome, and enjoying the 'not so perfect' process is probably more important that doing things perfectly.