Over-Thinking

I THINK THEREFORE I AM. But anything OVER- does you no good. I get into the 'over-thinking' mode a lot these days when I have all the time in my hands (I am unemployed at the moment) and my cerebral cortex is over-stimulated when I am not working or being productive.

Hence I set myself limits for thinking. For small matters, I give myself 30 seconds to make a decision. For bigger ones I give myself 30 minutes using an egg-timer. More often than not, I get something started on the spot without ruminating on whether I should do it or not; which is a waste of time anyway if whatever that is requires attention sooner or later.

And the culprit lies in the bounty of choices available to us. More and more people are getting analysis paralysis when we either make no choice or take ages to make a decision. We second-guess our decisions, and worry about making the 'wrong' ones. This ultimately leads to wasted time and lots of misery. I find it mentally exhausting and nerve wrecking in making choices modern life presents us on a daily basis. Have you ever wondered why shopping is such a tiresome activity?

With any choice, there will be multiple 'right' choices, depending on the circumstances, your personal requirement and other factors such as your financial situation. We can only make the best decision based on the information we have at the time.

I tend to stick to what I know best instead of trying out another brand or design. I go for chunky heels instead of wedges. I will shop around and talk to trusting salespeople about anything new and technologically advanced. I decided I don't need an i-phone after talking to my service provider. I give myself a deadline and make sure I come up with a decision which is indeed liberating. And I won't look back but live with my final decision, knowing that there is always better options I can't make for whatever reason.

You have a choice to choose!

PERMISSION granted

After 40 odd years of life on earth, I give myself permission to give myself whatever I need, without seeking approval from others. Such permission gives me the freedom and responsibility which help to mold the person I come to be.

Je fais ce que je veux quand je veux.

I don't have a problem saying NO to unreasonable demands on my time and attention. I refuse to be sucked up by energy vampires. I don't give a damn to what's happening outside my world which doesn't add value or distract me from what I am focusing on. I let go of friendships that make me feel unappreciated. I allow myself to change and reinvent myself each successive moment. I allow myself to express emotions when appropriate. I have permission to be ME and I don't care what others think of me. I allow myself to be imperfect in all ways. I swear when I like, however I like, to my reckless abandon. I wake up whenever I like, eat whenever I am hungry, and create whenever I feel inspired.

Nothing is more important to me than freedom, the ability to determine the course of my daily schedule and overall life direction. I have been making decisions large and small since I was a kid. I won't regret walking away from deals and opportunities which restrict my choices or limits future decisions in a way that doesn't feel right. There is no such thing as having too much freedom if you are doing something productive with it. I want to use my freedom to create, to make something meaningful. I don't want to be idling with time on my hands but freedom with a purpose, a project, a vision to pursue.

INERTIA

I have hit a point when I am feeling stuck and stagnated in life with no inspiration. My energy level is running on empty and the petrol station seems so far away. I just can't seem to move forward no matter how hard I try and I am no longer sure of where I want my life to go. I have literally fell off track and here I am at a standstill. I am feeling exhausted and frustrated like no matter how much time and effort I put into my work I feel like I am going nowhere. It drains my energy and deflates my confidence big time.

Is staying stuck a choice? I understand that I have a choice to change my life even the choices seem vague and uninviting. I need to accept my current situation and take full responsibility for it. I know I have to make the necessary changes and move forward if only a baby step. Fear of technology is lurking at the small of my brain day in and day out. Learning about social media marketing is a big turn off but inevitable if I wish to take my business to the next level. I bought manuals, read up information online but nothing seems to work! I am so negative about my capabilities that I want to give up. I know full well that there is no easy road and there are always challenges and obstacles to overcome but what lesson is there to learn in this current situation?

A different way of looking at MORTALITY

DEATH is a forbidden topic in most societies and people dread about it like a curse. To me, death is very much a part of life which is expected since birth. If babies are celebrated, it only makes sense that a person leaving this world should be a blessing and therefore celebrated in a joyful manner too.

As we can't avoid death which can happen anytime anywhere, we become more aware of the importance of things and the lack of it. Everything fades away in front of this realization. Understanding and embracing the concept of death, and that we may lose everything, our perspective changes dramatically as we start to focus on things that matter and we don't settle for whatever. We are reminded that our time is indeed limited and we shouldn't waste it by being afraid. 

Why stress over things that are not really important? Why not focus on things worth pursuing? Ask yourself whether you will do what you are about to do today if today were the last day of your life? Do you realise that none of the things that you worry about will go in your eulogy? Things like your grades, your bank balance, material possessions which you can't take with you to the grave, your employment history, twitter followers and blog subscribers which no-one cares, and failed relationships are all trivial matters compared to the difference you make in the span of your lifetime. 

'People come and go in your life but they never leave your dreams. Once they are in your subconscious, they are immortal." ~ Patricia Hampl

Do not be terrified of losing someone. Accept that mortality is inevitable and be happy for that person that he/she is free from the malfunctioned body and pain but that his/ her spirit never parts. How can the person be 'gone' when you have memories full to the brim? Be grateful for that person's presence in your life and let go. You might say it's easier said than done but I welcome death with wide open arms when my time is up, knowing that I have made a difference (no matter how small) in each person whose path I cross.
 

Friend or Foe?

I have always been a bit of a loner since the day I was born; but making friends had never been a problem in my prime. I was a social butterfly and cooking up a conversation with strangers is commonplace in the past. I met loads of acquaintances and made plenty of friends but they seem to have drifted away as time goes on. Being in the right place at the right time is crucial to the development of friendship I must say but it is also a harsh reality of life that people come and go throughout the years. People change. Friends change.

Making new ones ain't easy when you are in your midlife; being stuck in a city I hate doesn't help either so I have no-one and yes I am alone.

What is a friend to you? I believe friends are the ones who know you as you are, understand where you have been, accept who you have become, and still encourage you to grow. 

My pre-requisite of a friend:

• someone who is prepared to give time and sincere, focused attention
• someone who etches a loving, inspiring memory into my mind
• someone who doesn't judge and bully but accept my originality
• someone who is honest with me by telling me things I might not want to hear
• someone who is loyal and never betrays me no matter what
• someone who cares to reach out and stay in touch, regardless of the geographical distance

Are these qualities too much to ask for?

Your best friend who has chosen to get married and be a wife and a mother has no time to hang out with someone single, and there is no common topic to share in conversations. Then there are those who don't want to hear about news and updates in my life when they would call me at 3am crying over a lost relationship. Then there are those who wouldn't be bothered keeping in touch. It takes 2 to tango and I am fed up with one-sided relationships and I could only cut them out of my life. I decide once and for all that I would never spend time with people who suck my energy. I would never entertain those who just want company in their own misery. 

Living and working in solitude isn't new to me. I am alone but nevertheless lonely as I learn from my early days to be my own best friend.

"Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone."~ Paul Tillich

I choose to connect by disconnecting. And now you understand why I am not getting a smart phone or particularly active on facebook.

DON'T GET A JOB

I have never had a 'proper' job in my whole life and if I had one, it didn't last long before I walked out the door. I remembered one of my ex-bosses who made this comment: "You are the worst employee I have ever encountered but I am sure you are a great boss." Compliment or not, I can't agree more. I am not cut out to be an 'employee' afterall due to my personality traits and characters and I certainly enjoy being in control and use my brain as much as possible. I suppose I don't like the idea of working my arse off for someone i.e. my employer when he / she gets all the credit and profit while I wait on him / her for a meagre salary.

There are far better ways to make a living than selling yourself into indentured servitude. Working a 'traditional' job means trading your time for money but you only get paid when you are working but what about the days when you are not working i.e. sitting in the office? I like the idea of getting paid 24/7. Who cares how many hours you work as long as you have something of value to provide that matters to your customers and get paid for it. I entertain the idea of generating passive income which only makes sense. I prefer to invest my time in getting my income-generating systems in order as opposed to a lifelong wage slave. You can only grow and upgrade your skill by rolling up your sleeves and doing it, and running your own online business provides you unlimited hands on experiences as such. I couldn't afford a web developer so it took me almost 2 years of trial and error to get my website up and running. It is extremely frustrating and excruciatingly painful to get acquainted with advanced technology, an area I have not the slightest interest in but then again, I feel invincible once I master something with effort. 

When I see people getting squashed in public transport during peak hours; wearing suits and ties in the summer heat, and being confined in cubicles without windows, they are like birds in cages. And then putting yourself in a position where someone else can turn off all your income just by saying two words ("You're fired.) doesn't sound like s safe and secure situation to me. There is no such as as a guarantee and God knows how may layoffs I came to hear about in the past couple of years. You can't have security if you don't have control and being an 'employee' these days is equivalent to being a professional gambler, if not cheap prostitution.

And what if you happen to have a boss who is an arsehole? You would be bowing and tending to his / her outrageous needs and wants which are usually unreasonable. What makes you inferior to him / her in the first place and why compromise? What is worse is that you don't get to decide how much you get paid for your time, sweat and effort and the salary they offer is usually much lower than what you are worth. Imagine hanging out with the same bunch of co-workers who love gossiping and playing politics in the office when you are free to socialise with whoever you feel drawn to and possibly worth your time? 

The major reason that I don't want a 'proper' job is that I can't possibly lose my freedom and independent free-will. I can't bear people telling me what to do, what to say and what to wear as I need to think for myself. I am not a number or a property and why loyalty when I am treated like dirt. I am happy to remain jobless for the rest of my life and to generate income through other means such as being an online entrepreneur; I want to get paid for the value I provide. 

At the moment I am slowly building a lifestyle business, I write newsletters and blogs to inspire others to do the same so that they too can have the courage to leave that job they hate. It is not easy especially when I am going it alone but I am happy to invest in the help I need and make the effort to build a following online. There is a lot to learn technology-wise but knowing that I wouldn't need another job for the rest of my life is bloody worth it.

Are you successful???

" There is only one success-to be able to live your life in your own way and not give others absurd, maddening claims upon it." ~ Christopher Morley

I can't agree more. What is your definition of success?

Is it all about money and status? Material possession? Are they the only way of measurement? 

Its definition is critical as your everyday decisions are based on how you define success.

What does success in your career look like? Is it the fat pay check, the prestigious work environment, the vibes among colleagues or the difference you make?

How about  your financial situation? What is the minimum you could earn and still feel successful? How much do your really need?

What does success in the relationship department look like? Are you in good terms with your loved ones?

What about your health and well-being? Physically, mentally and emotionally. There is no point to be a billionaire with only a month to live, isn't there?

Are you making a difference to humanity at large? Are you volunteering? Are you socially responsible?

What does spiritual success mean to you?

It is crucial to identify what success in each of these areas look like to more consciously do the balancing act. You might be making loads of money but your relationship with your family might suffer as you hardly spend time at home.

Intention is often overlooked as we go about our days on autopilot. By asking yourself why you are doing what you are doing in any moment, you gain clarity and it makes a huge difference to your days (and life) in the long run.

Attitude is another important factor of success. There is nothing intrinsically good or bad and how you perceive reality is what makes it in the first place. Your mindset of a successful person allows you to further improve and progress. Start thinking of yourself as the person you want to become.

All successful people have one thing in common: passion. It is the fire which brings about consistency (and kill procrastination at the same time); which in turn leads to completion and ultimately success.

Persistence is another secret to success. Don't be discouraged if no immediate result is in sight. Don't give up but keep pursuing your dream at a steady pace and your effort will certainly be rewarded. 

May you live a life of success.

Confusion & Uncertainty

I am currently in a transitory period when I left my job as a Private English teacher while seeking something more stable; in the sense that there's a schedule to follow and a fixed salary is rewarded for my time and effort in teaching. 

I did question myself many times in the past 6 months if Teaching is my true calling as I didn't get the kind of responses I have expected from my potential employers and I started beating myself up for not trying harder, for not being good enough, for everything which prevented me from being invited for an interview. 

I was literally confused.

Many people flinch at uncertainty, at the unknown, the confusion.

I was one of the majority.

Confusion is a period when 2 or more notions of your worldview, your self-definition, or of a creative project combine in ways you don't immediately grasp.

I thought arming with a TESOL qualification would bring me lots of teaching opportunities but that's obviously not the case to be.

I have always thought that I am a social butterfly only to realise how much space and privacy I need to be whole.

I wasn't sure if I should carry on teaching or make my handicraft my major source of income.

Confusion can be converted into creative innovation and personal break-through; when you constantly question yourself  and be open to possibilities.  We creatives are in perpetual uncertainty and yet it goes hand in hand with life. 

The key is to learn to embrace uncertainty as a quest. There is no such thing as a perfect plan and we must be flexible enough to make changes accordingly to whatever comes up along the way. Welcome uncertainty like a good friend and learn how to function in the face of fear. 

If nothing else, uncertainty certainly brings about possibilities and it is a beautiful thing!

MY gifts

Only in my mid-life can I see and appreciate the gifts (in disguise) which have sculpted me the person I am now:

I have scars all over my body, inside and out. They are ugly to look at but each of them has a story which shows the quality of strength to keep moving forward and overcome whatever is my way. Maybe that's why people see scars as the equivalence to toughness...

I don't smile much and I do look sad. Why pretend to be happy when you are not? I need to be true to myself even if that means wearing my feelings on my sleeves and I learn the heart of compassion only when I accept my own sadness as part of life.

It doesn't take long to see my physical body is 'broken', in the sense that I am not in optimal state of health without relying on my medication. My body is severely challenged with chronic eczema, and there are the side effects of taking steroid and antibiotics. I persevere nonetheless as life goes on and I have come to accpet my broken body as it is. Medication is one of the ways to keep me functional.

My broken heart shows my capability to love and be loved; even though it's been a while since I had a relationship.

There are many sad stories throughout my life and I tend to delete them from my memory bank. However, they are still lurking in the small of my brain and can be easily triggered back to life. Each of my stories is a gift per se as I get to know myself more. Journaling helps me to grow.

All experiences, good and bad, bring me wisdom. I get wiser with the knowledge gained and life is about choices based on such knowledge. I can then make a positive difference with my choices each passing day.

It is in the struggle that we remember who we are. Out of the pain comes our deepest truth. I am constantly put to test while learning how to navigate in the dark. Life is not easy but I believe it's my mission to guide others toward the light and find their way. I am doing my best each day to put one foot in front of another, using the gifts I have been given in difficult circumstances.

Not Creative???

I keep hearing people saying that they are not creative, as if the notion of creativity is something unspeakably evil and best to avoid; or that creativity only associates with geniuses such as Van Gogh and Picasso and that this special quality is somehow devoid of in 'ordinary' people?

 

Like it or not, we are ALL creative beings. Most of the time we are referring creativity to the incubation stage when you allow yourself a breathing space simply to be. I usually get insights and a-ha moments in the shower, while taking a walk, when I practise meditation. Being a writer and an artist, I am constantly in need of  inspiration and I invite my muses to play when I do the above.

 

When life gets particularly stressful and there are things that are beyond my control, I crave time to create to cope with the stress and heal. How about working on your mini sketchbook while commuting to work on public transport, on tea breaks instead of watercooler gossips, first thing in the morning to set your intentions for the day and penning in your gratitude journal before bed? There are tons of things you can do to train your creativity muscles instead of mindless TV watching and facebooking. You can doodle, sketch, draw, paint, art journal, make a collage, to name but a few. Make it a daily living ritual and you will see the changes in your creativity within weeks.

Let's swap our talents!!!

I am looking for someone who can help me part-time to develop my online business in exchange for free private English lessons.

• photoshop / illustrator/ InDesign knowledge
• internet research and social media skills
• help to grow visibility / readership/ audience through social media including Facebook, Twitter, Linked In and Pinterest
• some graphic design work
• knowledge about Etsy online shop and e-commerce

This position is suitable for students and computer wizards who are technology savvy but  need help to improve their English.
Email me at lamaisonsimple@gmail.com  if you are interested.

What the heck am I doing???

It's been 6 months now since I drew the curtain to my 12 years of private teaching and not having a paid job is just darn hard especially living in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I completed my TESOL certificate in the hope of finding employment in schools but it looks like I am out of luck and I can only keep trying until another interview be granted. Meanwhile, my days are filled to the brim with self-initiated projects and e-courses, reading and blogging, and a lot of learning about how to kick start my online business...

My work is my life. As an existentialist of sorts, I find that work that I enjoy doing gives meaning to my life in an otherwise absurd universe. I want to be great at what I do (hence the lifelong learning and ungrading), being appreciated and get paid well for my products and services, while making an impact on anyone I come across in this lifetime. I need to do something that is in alignment with my non-conformist ways of thinking and sustainable living, the reward being one of fulfilment and abundance.

Authenticity is one of the qualities I treasure most and running my own online business could be the way to go as I can be who I am and get to meet others who share a similar vision. I write and blog to share my values and visions about world and personal change, one person at a time, hoping to inspire people to change their life circumstances and co-create a new world order for the next generations to come. I wish to show myself and others that it is time to wake up and take full responsibilities for ourselves, to live a different and simple way and rise to a new level of existence. Change is the only constant in reality and it is not something to be feared. 

I believe we can all make a difference to the world. I choose to make an impact with my ideas, my words, my online / offline presence and I can't do it without you. You are my sounding board, my megaphone, my speaker, you take what I create, add to it your personal voice and value, spread the fire wide and far, and something big is bound to happen.

Although I am not generating an income as yet but your support is already sufficient to boost my confidence in what I am doing and I can at least promise you a much better content in the coming months. Let's get on with it and keep the fire burning!

FINITY

When you come to think about it, nothing is infinite and nothing is permanent.

TIME is finite in the sense that there are 24 hours a day for everybody and there is an end of time one day in the future (maybe not?)
ENERGY is finite just by checking with your body and you will know how exhausted you are after a day's work or when you are sick in bed.
MONEY is finite in which I mean there is only so much you can spend on even if you are a billionaire.
NATURAL RESOURCES is finite just by looking at the environmental mess we have created.
WE are finite creatures on this earth and will cease to exist one day.
ATTENTION is finite as we all get bored one way or the other when our attention span is stretched thin due to worldly distractions.
PHYSICAL SPACE is limited; so easily overlooked if you are not inhabiting in major cities like Hong Kong.
RELATIONSHIPS are finite in the sense that you can only connect with a certain number of people in a lifetime.
MENTAL CAPACITY is finite and that's exactly why we must declutter our mind of trivialities and focus on only things that matter.
OUR BODY is finite as it decomposes and become ashes at death.
TALENTS are finite in the sense that we can't be good at everything.

As I age, I become more aware of and accept this harsh fact of life while paying more attention to how I live my life. I get to intentionally choose how I'd like to spend my time and energy only on things that really matter to me. Instead of squandering my limited resources,

• I make the best use of my time and try to do good a day at a time (Carpe Diem)
• I only spend my energy (which is depleting forevermore as you age) on activities that bring me joy
• I become more watchful in what I spend my hard-earned cash on (less is more!)
• I try to do my part to be kind to our environment
• I will only focus on things which align to my beliefs and my values
• I am decluttering to make space for space
• I am working on networking and be more sociable and be less of a loner
• I avoid taking in things which are meaningless and get them out of my system in order to reserve my brain power for more meaningful stuff
• I will strive to develop my gifts and let go of things I have no talent for.

In other words, I am simplifying all aspects of my life to focus on just the most important. This is a life-changing decision if you allow yourself to be in friendly terms with finity.

GIVEAWAYS

I have 10 copies of my book 'Metamorphosis' to give away. To participate, please send me an email in response to the following questions:

1. What is it that you like and dislike about my website?
2. What do you wish to get out of from my website?

...and...Forward my newsletter to your friends and family who might be interested in signing up for a weekly dose of simple living.


I shall announce the winners in my newsletter on 11/28/2012. Please include your contact details in your email. THANKS.

A brand new start

I have created several blogs in the past and they are all over the place, making my search for a particular one excruciatingly painful. So here comes a new one using Blogger which I hope would end the suffering and be a permanent anchor for the upcoming post which I so eager to share with you.

 

I am going through some rough patches at the moment. I am beginning to question myself if I am on the right track when it cones to work. After my not so pleasant stay in France, I have been actively looking for work in the teaching arena and although I went to a few interviews, no contract or offer is made in the end; a huge disappointment on my part as I had a degree in Linguistics, a certificate in TESOL, freelanced at various schools and learning centres, and over a decade of experience teaching English privately and an impressive resume. I could be running my own school if I can afford the rent. Alas, I have major difficulties finding work due to the competition and lack of contacts which I believe is crucial in a place like Hong Kong.

 

It is my mission to be creative and to teach. At least this is what I feel up to this very minute but what if I were wrong. Could I possibly leave teaching, something I have worked so hard to get to where I am? Churning my brains out over sleepless nights, I keep asking myself what I genuinely believe and have credibility in and words pop up in random:

 

literacy

teaching

heart

social cause

legacy

sharing

making an impact

empowerment

 

Being a misfit in a place I hate when I am in the middle of such predicament doesn't make sense. If my life was going to change, I had to change it. But how? I don't have a lump sum of cash which is required for relocation. I suck in marketing so maybe I need to learn using Facebook and other social media to sell myself to the world. Further study in the field of education might be a good idea. Albeit depressing, I take action to discover what I want to do with my life on a daily basis by reading helpful blogs, devouring business books, improving my website by trial and error, googling for possibilities, working on self-initiated projects to stretch my potential, not to mention sending unsolicited job applications to schools and learning centres.

 

I am sure there are other things I can do to make my search more productive if I know what they are. Am I trying hard enough? Have I explored all the options and left no stone unturned? It's less than 2 months before the year ends and for a workaholic like me, it is not funny to spend mid-life at home and not generating an income to support a simple lifestyle.

www.simplemansion.com