How to get unstuck?

I feel stuck. In fact I always do and it is a state that I get myself into every so often. It's like there is this invisible wall which blocks me from moving forward. After much contemplation, I realized that I am avoiding doing or thinking about something, which is the biggest cause of stuckness. I feel stagnant because I am avoiding doing or thinking something that needs to be done or thought. 

I have been using excuses such as not the right time, too busy with finding work, not in the mood, etc. to remain stuck in my own rut. I was basically avoiding the commitment of writing my novel, picking up creating my beautiful artwork and ultimately avoiding all the fear (of failure) and disappointment which constantly fight me in daylight.  

Feeling dry and stale and thinking that life is nothing but drudgery, I ask myself, "Where is my heart?' I need to bring joy, beauty and purpose to whatever I do to feel the connection. I need to ask myself why I am doing a task to get motivated. To kickstart myself, I decided to make some major changes in my everyday life:

1. less time on social media and TV
2. commit myself to another e-course to learn something new
3. break some routine and be uncomfortable
4. be more socialising

Feeling stuck is a state when you are not in your natural flow. It is therefore important to spend a greater proportion of your day on tasks that are within your flow. I love words and I love pretty things so I tend to spend more time lately on reading and collaging whenever I get stuck to get back into the flow. 

Meanwhile, I see that getting stuck as an emotional state. I get stuck in a battle between my desire for change and my fear that I won't change or that I won't live up to my expectation. It takes much courage to get unstuck and taking action is the only way for change to happen. To shake things up a little, here are some of the things I have started doing more regularly:

• I write in my journal.
• I create art.
• I sing to my favourite artists.
• I go for a brisk walk.
• I sit in a cafe and people-watch.
• I enrol in e-courses which add value to my work.

What are your ways to get unstuck?

Revealing my dark-side...

I feel that I am floating through life merely existing. At mid-forties, I have no accomplishment to be proud of, no one I can confide in. I am still unemployed, and my bank account is still in the red. In other words, I don't exactly have a life and I might as well be dead. 

There is nothing that I look forward to, nothing that I find stimulating and nothing really matters anymore. I am just taking up physical space without anything to contribute. How I wish to have some sort of incurable disease or even better, a fatal accident. Trust me, nobody will show up at my funeral (not that I need one) and it's most likely that no one will notice that I have vanished into thin air. 

I am not scared of failure as it's the norm in my life. I wonder what the dark tunnel is like instead.

I have given up on love and life long time ago; as my body gives way to aging and the idea of love turns me off in the harsh reality of surviving in a concrete jungle. Getting up in the morning (afternoon in fact) is terrifying as I have nothing to do or kill time with. Getting through daily life is just mind-numbing. 

I don't see myself making a difference to this world, and I have no idea what I want anymore than being a corpse in the wild, feeding the wild animals with my flesh and blood. And I won't feel it.

How do you like to live?

It's been a hell of a roller coaster ride for me lately; there is a lot of emotion lashing out from my inner being, and I apologise for affecting those closest to me. Being in a perpetual state of changes and inaction doesn't solve the problem so I need to figure things out and arm myself against the disease of drifting through life. I refuse to give in to a life of mediocrity and stifled dreams.

I met a friend of mine for coffee the other day and she told me something that I have known all along that I wasn't the type of people who work for others and mindlessly follow orders; and it's almost mandatory that I am my own boss so that I feel I am in control somehow. I remember one of my ex-employers said to me on my last day that I was the worst employee he had ever hired but he could see the leadership in me and that I would turn out to be the best boss. I took that as a compliment.

Live life on my terms.
Create my own rules.
Be myself.
Live and work anywhere.
Freedom is always on top of my priority list.

Maybe I have a nomadic soul begging to be expressed in some way. I wish to do where I can find what I am looking for.
Imagine going away every summer to somewhere cold ( I am a winter person), taking long sabbaticals to work on a passion project, homeschooling an orphan (I am childless) or teaching the underpriviledged, giving up my possessions and just take off to faraway places indefinitely, being available to pet or house sit all over the world while I explore, taking up seasonal jobs in different parts of the world for variety and experience, etc...

That's what my heart wants and it's hard not to follow it without frustration and sadness.

I am a zombie; not in its traditional sense

I believe I were a good person, far from perfect but human. I have never violated the 10 commandments (not that I am a religious person) and I can say I have no regret in my past 4 decades of living a not so pleasant life. 
However, I don't always do things that are in alignment with my passions; which I don't even know what they are to be honest. I don't practise self-love by smoking and no exercises. I am notoriously known for my brutal honesty and 'abnormality'. 
I seem to be cold-blooded in the eyes of many but how can I possibly care about others when I have difficulty surviving? There is the financial problem, health problem, work problem, never mind doing it all alone. How can I be generous when my debt is up to my neck? 
There are those who think I live in a world of my own and have no interest in others. Maybe that is only my way of keeping sane in this over-populated world where everyone thrives on gossips, excessive consumerism, and competition. The success of Facebook and other social media platforms proves it. Count me out if that is how the world works in this century and call me whatever names you wish.
Being the odd one out by living by my truth doesn't work when it comes to social connection. People either love me the way I am or wish me dead the second we meet. I'd rather be alone than having to put up a facade to impress. Mind games are for the gutless. I do apologise when I am wrong but being accused for doing something which I didn't is another story. 
I feel like a zombie these days. No, not the kind which is infected or cursed, flesh-eating, lifeless, half-alive, reanimated corpse that serve and have no purpose (although they are close enough similarities). Instead, I dream and wish too much to the point of wasting time that could be spent producing and doing rather than consuming and waiting. I feel stuck in this quagmire and I am too tired to pull myself out. I am still allowing my fear, doubt and uncertainty to reign and that sucks. I am feeling more and more frequently that I am doing things without purpose. I don't hate what I do on a daily basis but it's becoming a chore which I resist. Living a meaningless life is simply not fun. 
Being a good person doesn't mean you're treated with appreciation. A life of stability, mediocrity and comfort seems to be the end goal. I guess I am no longer clear about my passions which is the underlying reason of my being existing and not living.