Friend or Foe?

I have always been a bit of a loner since the day I was born; but making friends had never been a problem in my prime. I was a social butterfly and cooking up a conversation with strangers is commonplace in the past. I met loads of acquaintances and made plenty of friends but they seem to have drifted away as time goes on. Being in the right place at the right time is crucial to the development of friendship I must say but it is also a harsh reality of life that people come and go throughout the years. People change. Friends change.

Making new ones ain't easy when you are in your midlife; being stuck in a city I hate doesn't help either so I have no-one and yes I am alone.

What is a friend to you? I believe friends are the ones who know you as you are, understand where you have been, accept who you have become, and still encourage you to grow. 

My pre-requisite of a friend:

• someone who is prepared to give time and sincere, focused attention
• someone who etches a loving, inspiring memory into my mind
• someone who doesn't judge and bully but accept my originality
• someone who is honest with me by telling me things I might not want to hear
• someone who is loyal and never betrays me no matter what
• someone who cares to reach out and stay in touch, regardless of the geographical distance

Are these qualities too much to ask for?

Your best friend who has chosen to get married and be a wife and a mother has no time to hang out with someone single, and there is no common topic to share in conversations. Then there are those who don't want to hear about news and updates in my life when they would call me at 3am crying over a lost relationship. Then there are those who wouldn't be bothered keeping in touch. It takes 2 to tango and I am fed up with one-sided relationships and I could only cut them out of my life. I decide once and for all that I would never spend time with people who suck my energy. I would never entertain those who just want company in their own misery. 

Living and working in solitude isn't new to me. I am alone but nevertheless lonely as I learn from my early days to be my own best friend.

"Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone."~ Paul Tillich

I choose to connect by disconnecting. And now you understand why I am not getting a smart phone or particularly active on facebook.

DON'T GET A JOB

I have never had a 'proper' job in my whole life and if I had one, it didn't last long before I walked out the door. I remembered one of my ex-bosses who made this comment: "You are the worst employee I have ever encountered but I am sure you are a great boss." Compliment or not, I can't agree more. I am not cut out to be an 'employee' afterall due to my personality traits and characters and I certainly enjoy being in control and use my brain as much as possible. I suppose I don't like the idea of working my arse off for someone i.e. my employer when he / she gets all the credit and profit while I wait on him / her for a meagre salary.

There are far better ways to make a living than selling yourself into indentured servitude. Working a 'traditional' job means trading your time for money but you only get paid when you are working but what about the days when you are not working i.e. sitting in the office? I like the idea of getting paid 24/7. Who cares how many hours you work as long as you have something of value to provide that matters to your customers and get paid for it. I entertain the idea of generating passive income which only makes sense. I prefer to invest my time in getting my income-generating systems in order as opposed to a lifelong wage slave. You can only grow and upgrade your skill by rolling up your sleeves and doing it, and running your own online business provides you unlimited hands on experiences as such. I couldn't afford a web developer so it took me almost 2 years of trial and error to get my website up and running. It is extremely frustrating and excruciatingly painful to get acquainted with advanced technology, an area I have not the slightest interest in but then again, I feel invincible once I master something with effort. 

When I see people getting squashed in public transport during peak hours; wearing suits and ties in the summer heat, and being confined in cubicles without windows, they are like birds in cages. And then putting yourself in a position where someone else can turn off all your income just by saying two words ("You're fired.) doesn't sound like s safe and secure situation to me. There is no such as as a guarantee and God knows how may layoffs I came to hear about in the past couple of years. You can't have security if you don't have control and being an 'employee' these days is equivalent to being a professional gambler, if not cheap prostitution.

And what if you happen to have a boss who is an arsehole? You would be bowing and tending to his / her outrageous needs and wants which are usually unreasonable. What makes you inferior to him / her in the first place and why compromise? What is worse is that you don't get to decide how much you get paid for your time, sweat and effort and the salary they offer is usually much lower than what you are worth. Imagine hanging out with the same bunch of co-workers who love gossiping and playing politics in the office when you are free to socialise with whoever you feel drawn to and possibly worth your time? 

The major reason that I don't want a 'proper' job is that I can't possibly lose my freedom and independent free-will. I can't bear people telling me what to do, what to say and what to wear as I need to think for myself. I am not a number or a property and why loyalty when I am treated like dirt. I am happy to remain jobless for the rest of my life and to generate income through other means such as being an online entrepreneur; I want to get paid for the value I provide. 

At the moment I am slowly building a lifestyle business, I write newsletters and blogs to inspire others to do the same so that they too can have the courage to leave that job they hate. It is not easy especially when I am going it alone but I am happy to invest in the help I need and make the effort to build a following online. There is a lot to learn technology-wise but knowing that I wouldn't need another job for the rest of my life is bloody worth it.

Are you successful???

" There is only one success-to be able to live your life in your own way and not give others absurd, maddening claims upon it." ~ Christopher Morley

I can't agree more. What is your definition of success?

Is it all about money and status? Material possession? Are they the only way of measurement? 

Its definition is critical as your everyday decisions are based on how you define success.

What does success in your career look like? Is it the fat pay check, the prestigious work environment, the vibes among colleagues or the difference you make?

How about  your financial situation? What is the minimum you could earn and still feel successful? How much do your really need?

What does success in the relationship department look like? Are you in good terms with your loved ones?

What about your health and well-being? Physically, mentally and emotionally. There is no point to be a billionaire with only a month to live, isn't there?

Are you making a difference to humanity at large? Are you volunteering? Are you socially responsible?

What does spiritual success mean to you?

It is crucial to identify what success in each of these areas look like to more consciously do the balancing act. You might be making loads of money but your relationship with your family might suffer as you hardly spend time at home.

Intention is often overlooked as we go about our days on autopilot. By asking yourself why you are doing what you are doing in any moment, you gain clarity and it makes a huge difference to your days (and life) in the long run.

Attitude is another important factor of success. There is nothing intrinsically good or bad and how you perceive reality is what makes it in the first place. Your mindset of a successful person allows you to further improve and progress. Start thinking of yourself as the person you want to become.

All successful people have one thing in common: passion. It is the fire which brings about consistency (and kill procrastination at the same time); which in turn leads to completion and ultimately success.

Persistence is another secret to success. Don't be discouraged if no immediate result is in sight. Don't give up but keep pursuing your dream at a steady pace and your effort will certainly be rewarded. 

May you live a life of success.

Confusion & Uncertainty

I am currently in a transitory period when I left my job as a Private English teacher while seeking something more stable; in the sense that there's a schedule to follow and a fixed salary is rewarded for my time and effort in teaching. 

I did question myself many times in the past 6 months if Teaching is my true calling as I didn't get the kind of responses I have expected from my potential employers and I started beating myself up for not trying harder, for not being good enough, for everything which prevented me from being invited for an interview. 

I was literally confused.

Many people flinch at uncertainty, at the unknown, the confusion.

I was one of the majority.

Confusion is a period when 2 or more notions of your worldview, your self-definition, or of a creative project combine in ways you don't immediately grasp.

I thought arming with a TESOL qualification would bring me lots of teaching opportunities but that's obviously not the case to be.

I have always thought that I am a social butterfly only to realise how much space and privacy I need to be whole.

I wasn't sure if I should carry on teaching or make my handicraft my major source of income.

Confusion can be converted into creative innovation and personal break-through; when you constantly question yourself  and be open to possibilities.  We creatives are in perpetual uncertainty and yet it goes hand in hand with life. 

The key is to learn to embrace uncertainty as a quest. There is no such thing as a perfect plan and we must be flexible enough to make changes accordingly to whatever comes up along the way. Welcome uncertainty like a good friend and learn how to function in the face of fear. 

If nothing else, uncertainty certainly brings about possibilities and it is a beautiful thing!

MY gifts

Only in my mid-life can I see and appreciate the gifts (in disguise) which have sculpted me the person I am now:

I have scars all over my body, inside and out. They are ugly to look at but each of them has a story which shows the quality of strength to keep moving forward and overcome whatever is my way. Maybe that's why people see scars as the equivalence to toughness...

I don't smile much and I do look sad. Why pretend to be happy when you are not? I need to be true to myself even if that means wearing my feelings on my sleeves and I learn the heart of compassion only when I accept my own sadness as part of life.

It doesn't take long to see my physical body is 'broken', in the sense that I am not in optimal state of health without relying on my medication. My body is severely challenged with chronic eczema, and there are the side effects of taking steroid and antibiotics. I persevere nonetheless as life goes on and I have come to accpet my broken body as it is. Medication is one of the ways to keep me functional.

My broken heart shows my capability to love and be loved; even though it's been a while since I had a relationship.

There are many sad stories throughout my life and I tend to delete them from my memory bank. However, they are still lurking in the small of my brain and can be easily triggered back to life. Each of my stories is a gift per se as I get to know myself more. Journaling helps me to grow.

All experiences, good and bad, bring me wisdom. I get wiser with the knowledge gained and life is about choices based on such knowledge. I can then make a positive difference with my choices each passing day.

It is in the struggle that we remember who we are. Out of the pain comes our deepest truth. I am constantly put to test while learning how to navigate in the dark. Life is not easy but I believe it's my mission to guide others toward the light and find their way. I am doing my best each day to put one foot in front of another, using the gifts I have been given in difficult circumstances.