energy management...

To me, it is a holiday everyday (I don't have a job to go to at specific hours) but the official red public holidays allow me to live life a bit slower, with more room to contemplate and take things at a slower pace. As everyone is either taking a sabbatical from the handy gadgets and more so vacationing out of town, I get to pause every so often and pay more attention to the projects I am working on. It gives me the much needed break to check in and calibrate, to take stock and ensure that I am on the right path, spending my time on things that I care about, surround myself with the right people, while making the most of the time I have when interruption is minimal. I cherish periods like this for mental clarity. 

Having said that, I am becoming more selective when it comes to job interviews I am offered. I'd make sure at the start that my potential employers share my vision in education, that the working hours fit into my schedule, and that I am not prepared to lower my salary expectation just because I am desperate. At the same time, I am more aware of my energy supply and stop fighting my body clock. Never been an early riser, I would need to adjust my priorities to ensure that I finish at least one of my most important tasks for the day; knowing full well that I can't possibly be productive the whole time. I manage to get most done in the afternoon and then again early in the morning. They are my peak hours and albeit 'atypical' to the majority of the population who work 9-6pm in a cubicle, I might as well accept my idiosyncrasy and work around my personal clock. 

I have no intention to become a morning person any time soon. Depending on the type of energy I have at different times of the day, I tackle tasks accordingly and as a result, I get to do the best work without forcing myself to be a zombie.

Why aren't we dead yet?

People in all walks of life lose hope every day and I am one of them; especially after an extended period of unemployment with zero income and working on art projects which don't pay the bills. However, I do in fact get invited to plenty of job interviews over the year which could be a clue to my critical self that I am not worthless; and that there are indeed people out there who acknowledge my talent, appreciate my effort and impressed by my CV.

Maybe there is a reason that I am still alive. Yes, karma could very well be one of them but there is always something meaningful left to experience and appreciate before our time is up. Living in the moment is a lifetime practice. The present moment is all the life there ever is. I need to learn to enjoy the little things which add up to become my lifespan. Instead of wasting my life away, I must learn something new everyday and be a student of life. There is so much I don't know about and this is the chance for me to pick up whatever knowledge I can and reach out for the richest experience being offered while I am still breathing. 

I am not afraid of death, which is part of human evolution. While I am glad that I don't get to live forever, I intend to make use of the time I have to give my best shot in whatever I do. The earth continues to spin and life goes on regardless but I can at least have a good night of sleep without regret. As an old soul who has lived through many tough situations, I always emerge stronger and more powerful than ever after each blow. I guess there will be many more setbacks and obstacles ahead of me considering I am still in one piece.

Being alive gives us a chance to make a positive difference to our fellow human beings. I personally see this as my opportunity to pay it forward, to inspire and to encourage, to give people back to themselves. Having said that, how can we be unworthy if we have so much to give? 

I might be feeling the least fortunate person on earth but the fact that I am not dead means my journey is not over. This simple fact alone is proof that I still have something meaningful to achieve.

busier than ever...

You might be wondering how someone could possibly be burnt out when she hasn't got a job to wake up to, no family and kids of her own, and basically stress-free from the coming holiday season like most families are. There is no gift to buy and no meal to cook, let alone party celebrations which are a must in her prime years. YET, I am so so exhausted. I probably have too much on my plate without being aware of it.

Well, to cut the story short, here are some items that stand out on my To-Do list:

• working super hard on my e-magazine, including learning to use InDesign (which is a bit of a struggle for someone who is technology phobic, looking for contributions from artists, creating content and articles and finishing the last module of the course
• sending out job applications and attending interviews (an average of 3-4 interviews a week)
• visiting different expos related to what I do, gathering information, going through the pile, and liaise with potential employers (I'll need another card holder for the business cards I have collected)
• transfer all important details to my new planner for 2014
• write postcards to friends I wish to keep in contact with and post them out before postal deadline
• submit application to TDC for retail space 
• reply to emails which are long overdue
• start planning for a getaway in Summer next year if I still haven't got a job by then
• blogging and producing my newsletter SLLM
• and of course there are household chores and errands to run

And I have about 15 days to complete 80% of the above. I am already having a headache just by looking at the list.

Well, I guess this is how I am going to approach:

1. prioritise the tasks according to their importance and urgency
2. write them down in my Steno Notes
3. schedule in my planner, 3 tasks a day max
4. focus on the tasks 
5. take breaks and rest on days when I don't feel like being productive
6. Make art on red holidays when I'll be alone at home or volunteer 
7. and make the red days technology free

Looks like this is gonna be a full-on workload to keep me pretty occupied till January.

The definition of sexiness...

I was going through my photo albums the other day and couldn't help to pick out the 'old me' of 20 odd years ago. I couldn't believe how pretty and attractive I was and looking into the mirror today makes me want to puke. How could such a stunning beauty become someone fat and ugly?

I am responsible for the way I turn out to be. I don't give a f* how I look to others, I stopped exercising because of chronic eczema, and of course aging plays a part too. However, botox is the last thing on my mind. 

To cheer myself up, I had my hair cut real short (tomboyish) yesterday and I feel good about it. Yes, it is a bold decision but I am pleased that it suits me and my personality; and it is not a style most faces can wear. My confidence returns.

Yes, it is a harsh fact that I am no longer the pretty old me but sexiness is a state of mind, a comfortable state of being. To be sexy without pouty lips and hour glass figures, I find the following character traits to be the best indicator:

1. Have your own signature style. Stand up for your values and beliefs.
2. Self-confidence is the key. Believe that you are worthy and valuable and be comfortable in your own skin.
3. Making a difference in others' lives is part of your self ID.
4. Live a life of passion and purpose.
5. Be responsible for how your life unfold.
6. Live a life of honesty. Liars are never sexy!
7. Be authentic. Accept yourself for who you are and what you like.

Our superficial culture honors the young and the thin. Supermodels are humans too and aging is something they must face up to sooner or later. Instead of focusing my time and energy on 'making' myself beautiful, I choose to go deeper and work on deepening my intelligence, expanding my wisdom, enjoy the many life experiences, and strengthen my character. This is my interpretation of 'sexiness'.

Perceptions of beauty are different all over the world and they change over time. What matters is not how you look to others but how you look at yourself. What do you think?

schedule vs deadline

It's less than 24 hours before December descends on us and instead of feeling excited about the upcoming holidays, I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I have set a goal to complete my first online magazine by the end of the month but learning InDesign (a software I know nothing about) is no easy feat, especially for someone who is technology-phobic. I am not happy about the delay in launching my e-mag (which is most likely going to happen) but unless I pay someone to do the design and layout, which beats the purpose of doing the e-course in the first place, I have no options but to bear with my incompetency and hence take extra time and more effort to learn the nuts and bolts. 

Maybe there is a purpose to stress; it is a way of gearing me up to meet my challenges. It helps me to achieve my goals. Rather than running from discomfort, I push myself forward if I am doing something meaningful. We are going to experience stress no matter what so it is important to do what matter, things that give our lives meaning. 

I remember digging in the manual and after over a year of hardwork, my website was born from scratch. There were sweat and tears along the way but I made it in the end because having my own website is on top of my priority list. I learned to be resourceful and overcame such a huge task which I believed to be way beyond my capability at the time. 

I do feel helpless from time to time but it is just a fleeting feeling afterall in an overwhelmed person's mind. I should have been more realistic about my own skills and set more realistic deadlines. What I have learned from this mishap is that I should be setting a schedule to operate by rather than a deadline to perform by.Picking up a new skill takes time and patience and instead of feeling like a failure, I want to focus on the practice by sticking to a schedule. Giving up is not an option as I believe my e-mag is something worthy of my time and effort. Having said that, I am giving myself a schedule to follow consistently, not a deadline to race towards.

Do Less. Be More.

The festive season is just what I need to do less and be more. Well, as I am non-religious, I don't celebrate Christmas and having only myself to account for, I am pretty free to do whatever I want when others are busy with entertaining guests, Christmas shopping, and partying. There is a long list of to-dos I wish to fulfill but I choose not to be too hard on myself this time round and take things easy. I like to be productive and I will be when I have less to think about so I can concentrate on what matter to me most, and not to be overwhelmed by all the pretty projects lining up in my planner is not easy. Anyway, I am currently learning from Jen's Create your Magazine in 4 weeks ecourse and loving it. There is so much skills and techniques to learn and a lot of planning is required to make it a successful endeavour. I'll take all the time as needed to apply the knowledge to my first magazine!

Having had a pretty laid back life in Oz, I am still having difficulties living life at a break-neck pace. I am constantly feeling overwhelmed, and yet I am adding more to my to-do list. There are work commitments which require my 200% which I am not prepared to agree to. I am feeling pulled in many different directions that I live like a zombie sometimes. It is about time to focus on what is important as opposed to what is urgent. I need to slow down by saying 'It's not a priority' instead of "I don't have time'. If I don't like how I am spending an hour, I can always choose differently. 

To work less and be productive at the same time, here are some tips you might want to check out:

• Focus. Do only what is important and what drives your business forward.
• Make a list on paper and refer back to it constantly to make sure you are on track.
• Work in wifi-free area to avoid distraction.
• Upgrade yourself by reading and taking e-courses. Use what you learn!
• Get into a rhythm and be consistent.
• Earn some passive income to save energy.
• Say NO considering the opportunity cost involved.
• Get the most stressful task out of the way by doing it first.
• Take plenty of breaks.
• Group similar tasks together and get them done in batches.

It is possible to work less and be more!

What to do with my life???

After quite a handful of interviews and an extended period of unemployment, I wonder what I exactly do I want to do with my life. I am not getting any younger and my skills are pretty limited. Do I really have a choice? I need a clearer picture of what I really want to do with my life which is fulfilling and meaningful; hence the questions as follow:

• What am I passionate about? I love teaching, making an impact on my students. I love writing, words are my tools of creativity and communication. I love telling stories, as I believe this is the best way to get my messages across. I love art and craft, be it a hobby or teaching others in workshops. I love reading; books are the only thing that I refuse to go without. I love spending time in vast landscape. 
• What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far? I am proud of my academic achievement, my 12 years of teaching, my organization abilities, my thirst of knowledge, and learning to build my website from scratch and my blogs and newsletters. I am proud of my travel experiences which never failed to surprise myself.
• If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and to do? I wouldn't be stuck in Hong Kong merely existing. I would spend my life living in different countries of my choice, living in a caravan or a boathouse, volunteering for causes which speak to me, writing novels in seclusion, having my own business with my own brand, learning felting and other creative hobbies in person from the best crafters, husky-sledding in Alaska, and basically living in the wild.
• What are my goals in life? I don't really believe in setting goals as they tend to change as I evolve. Nothing is set in stone and I like to have the freedom and flexibility to change courses. I suppose I am here to experience life and live one day at a time so goals are not quite my thing. Put it this way, I'd like to see my existence leaves a mark on earth and makes an impact on those I cross path with; knowing that I won't be forgotten when my body falls apart.
• Whom do I admire most in the world? I read quite a lot of (auto)/biographies and there are a few I wish to pay my tribute: Vincent Van Gogh, Coco Chanel, Neale Walsch, Eileen Caddy, Henry Thoreau, Cath Kidston, Edith Piaf, and many more. Each has his/ her unique characters and qualities which deserve much acknowledgement and respect.
• What do I not like to do? I can't stand bureaucracy and authorities. I don't follow rules. I am not carved out to be a cubicle worker with strict working hours. I hate administrative work, and I despise office politics.
• How hard am I willing to work to get what I want? I must admit that there are parts that I am putting in a lot of effort and parts which I seem to procrastinate. I am persistent in job hunting, upgrading myself with new skills and knowledge but I am still not doing enough to get to where I want to be. So instead of waiting for Jan 1, I intend to take one little simple step one day at a time and mark my progress. Enjoying the process is probably more important than reaching the destination which for me, is forever changing!

On HABITS...

Aren't we all creatures of habits? Most of the time we are not even aware of their presence, let alone kicking the bad ones. Do we really know ourselves? For change to take place, we must learn about ourselves and our habits before taking any action. Becoming aware of their existence is the first step. For someone who feels confident enough, going cold turkey is the way to do it. For others, the tier method could just be as effective. Self-control requires practice and it takes some time to ween off a certain unwanted habit. To make the process easier, a replacement might be exactly what you need; from starting a hobby to chewing gums, as you consciously choose to be the person you want to be. Creating the right environment / mindset is the second step, and be consistent in your daily actions. The brain takes a minimum of 21 consecutive days of actions to make synapse connection so be patient with yourself. I like to read something light before bed and the action of reading is registered and tied to my sleep pattern. By leveraging actions to create habits, it makes the task less intimidating than if you try it from scratch. 

Here are some of the 'bad habits' I wish to discard in the new year:

• procrastination
• spending money on things I don't need
• perfectionism and self-doubt
• dwelling on the past and worrying about the future
• judging myself and others
• confining myself in the comfort zone
• take life for granted

I am sure life could be a lot better when I get rid of my bad habits.

Music in my life...

As a writer, I spend a large part of my life in solitude. I like the peace and quiet at the wee hours when noise pollution is relatively lower and the darkness seems soothing to my senses. However, combating the noise level during the day could be tricky and being peculiar about what I allow into my auditory orifices,I use music to drown out the trash while lifting myself up with songs I love. I turn to music to make myself feel better. 

There is this song that played at a pivotal moment in my life and I am instantly transported back to that time and place the minute it plays. There are times when my all-time favourite songs spontaneously came over the radio and I burst out singing along with abandon. There are days when reading seems too much for my peeps and my headphone seems more appealing. Checking out albums at my local HMV is one of my past-times too; second to bookshops. 

There are plenty of benefits of music:

• it's a form of entertainment; I like my music in the background when I do the housework, when I wait for transport and surfing the internet
• it wakes me up in the morning and calms me down at night
• it helps to distract me from unpleasant thoughts and experiences
• it helps to discharge negative emotions when I sing along
• the lyrics can be stimulating and inspiring for my writing
• it pays my tribute to the artists who left a legacy in their music,

not to mention the health benefits it brings.

Here are some of my favourite artists whose albums I listen to often:

• Into the Wild soundtrack
• Once soundtrack
• La vie en rose soundtrack
• Francoise Hardy
• Carla Bruni
• Zaz
• Caro Emerald
• Enya
• Melanie Pain
• Lenka

I can't see my life without music!

How to get unstuck?

I feel stuck. In fact I always do and it is a state that I get myself into every so often. It's like there is this invisible wall which blocks me from moving forward. After much contemplation, I realized that I am avoiding doing or thinking about something, which is the biggest cause of stuckness. I feel stagnant because I am avoiding doing or thinking something that needs to be done or thought. 

I have been using excuses such as not the right time, too busy with finding work, not in the mood, etc. to remain stuck in my own rut. I was basically avoiding the commitment of writing my novel, picking up creating my beautiful artwork and ultimately avoiding all the fear (of failure) and disappointment which constantly fight me in daylight.  

Feeling dry and stale and thinking that life is nothing but drudgery, I ask myself, "Where is my heart?' I need to bring joy, beauty and purpose to whatever I do to feel the connection. I need to ask myself why I am doing a task to get motivated. To kickstart myself, I decided to make some major changes in my everyday life:

1. less time on social media and TV
2. commit myself to another e-course to learn something new
3. break some routine and be uncomfortable
4. be more socialising

Feeling stuck is a state when you are not in your natural flow. It is therefore important to spend a greater proportion of your day on tasks that are within your flow. I love words and I love pretty things so I tend to spend more time lately on reading and collaging whenever I get stuck to get back into the flow. 

Meanwhile, I see that getting stuck as an emotional state. I get stuck in a battle between my desire for change and my fear that I won't change or that I won't live up to my expectation. It takes much courage to get unstuck and taking action is the only way for change to happen. To shake things up a little, here are some of the things I have started doing more regularly:

• I write in my journal.
• I create art.
• I sing to my favourite artists.
• I go for a brisk walk.
• I sit in a cafe and people-watch.
• I enrol in e-courses which add value to my work.

What are your ways to get unstuck?

Revealing my dark-side...

I feel that I am floating through life merely existing. At mid-forties, I have no accomplishment to be proud of, no one I can confide in. I am still unemployed, and my bank account is still in the red. In other words, I don't exactly have a life and I might as well be dead. 

There is nothing that I look forward to, nothing that I find stimulating and nothing really matters anymore. I am just taking up physical space without anything to contribute. How I wish to have some sort of incurable disease or even better, a fatal accident. Trust me, nobody will show up at my funeral (not that I need one) and it's most likely that no one will notice that I have vanished into thin air. 

I am not scared of failure as it's the norm in my life. I wonder what the dark tunnel is like instead.

I have given up on love and life long time ago; as my body gives way to aging and the idea of love turns me off in the harsh reality of surviving in a concrete jungle. Getting up in the morning (afternoon in fact) is terrifying as I have nothing to do or kill time with. Getting through daily life is just mind-numbing. 

I don't see myself making a difference to this world, and I have no idea what I want anymore than being a corpse in the wild, feeding the wild animals with my flesh and blood. And I won't feel it.

How do you like to live?

It's been a hell of a roller coaster ride for me lately; there is a lot of emotion lashing out from my inner being, and I apologise for affecting those closest to me. Being in a perpetual state of changes and inaction doesn't solve the problem so I need to figure things out and arm myself against the disease of drifting through life. I refuse to give in to a life of mediocrity and stifled dreams.

I met a friend of mine for coffee the other day and she told me something that I have known all along that I wasn't the type of people who work for others and mindlessly follow orders; and it's almost mandatory that I am my own boss so that I feel I am in control somehow. I remember one of my ex-employers said to me on my last day that I was the worst employee he had ever hired but he could see the leadership in me and that I would turn out to be the best boss. I took that as a compliment.

Live life on my terms.
Create my own rules.
Be myself.
Live and work anywhere.
Freedom is always on top of my priority list.

Maybe I have a nomadic soul begging to be expressed in some way. I wish to do where I can find what I am looking for.
Imagine going away every summer to somewhere cold ( I am a winter person), taking long sabbaticals to work on a passion project, homeschooling an orphan (I am childless) or teaching the underpriviledged, giving up my possessions and just take off to faraway places indefinitely, being available to pet or house sit all over the world while I explore, taking up seasonal jobs in different parts of the world for variety and experience, etc...

That's what my heart wants and it's hard not to follow it without frustration and sadness.

I am a zombie; not in its traditional sense

I believe I were a good person, far from perfect but human. I have never violated the 10 commandments (not that I am a religious person) and I can say I have no regret in my past 4 decades of living a not so pleasant life. 
However, I don't always do things that are in alignment with my passions; which I don't even know what they are to be honest. I don't practise self-love by smoking and no exercises. I am notoriously known for my brutal honesty and 'abnormality'. 
I seem to be cold-blooded in the eyes of many but how can I possibly care about others when I have difficulty surviving? There is the financial problem, health problem, work problem, never mind doing it all alone. How can I be generous when my debt is up to my neck? 
There are those who think I live in a world of my own and have no interest in others. Maybe that is only my way of keeping sane in this over-populated world where everyone thrives on gossips, excessive consumerism, and competition. The success of Facebook and other social media platforms proves it. Count me out if that is how the world works in this century and call me whatever names you wish.
Being the odd one out by living by my truth doesn't work when it comes to social connection. People either love me the way I am or wish me dead the second we meet. I'd rather be alone than having to put up a facade to impress. Mind games are for the gutless. I do apologise when I am wrong but being accused for doing something which I didn't is another story. 
I feel like a zombie these days. No, not the kind which is infected or cursed, flesh-eating, lifeless, half-alive, reanimated corpse that serve and have no purpose (although they are close enough similarities). Instead, I dream and wish too much to the point of wasting time that could be spent producing and doing rather than consuming and waiting. I feel stuck in this quagmire and I am too tired to pull myself out. I am still allowing my fear, doubt and uncertainty to reign and that sucks. I am feeling more and more frequently that I am doing things without purpose. I don't hate what I do on a daily basis but it's becoming a chore which I resist. Living a meaningless life is simply not fun. 
Being a good person doesn't mean you're treated with appreciation. A life of stability, mediocrity and comfort seems to be the end goal. I guess I am no longer clear about my passions which is the underlying reason of my being existing and not living. 

"How are you?"/ "Busy."

People these days consider 'being busy' as a quality to be proud of, a badge of honor to carry around the neck, a signage to prove their worthiness. 
9 out of 10 people respond with the word BUSY when asked how their days were. And what does that say about the person being busy? How do we know if he is really busy, and busy doing what? I don't think someone who claims to be busy is any more important, that his time is any more valuable, or that he is winning in the rat race, if at all. Those who articulate the response are trying to show that they are in-demand and hence successful; but since when do we equate busyness to success???

There will always be work left undone, no matter how many hours you devote at your desk. The inbox will always be full to the brim. I don't advocate slacking off and being irresponsible but it is crucial to know what you have to do as opposed to everything you could do. 

I have been in situations where the staff wouldn't leave until the boss has left for the day. There are people who are prepared to stay behind looking busy after the official work hour in order to make an impression. Why are these people considered superior to those who get the important work done and leave on time? I don't get it!

Time could be used productively or wasted in gossips. What exactly are you busy about? What are you focused on? Most people work on auto-pilot and it' s like keeping the conveyor belt in motion (with or without baggage). I am not a robot as I need to be conscious of what I am doing and that has to be meaningful.

Being focused is what get the job done, usually within a time frame you set for yourself. When you pay attention to what you do while minimizing distraction, you can then say you are busy and occupied. I can't be busy just for the sake of being busy. That's so so stupid!

Would you consider focusing on only the meaningful aspects of life? And next time we meet, you can tell me how busy you are with audacity.

On DEtachment...

You are not going to believe this: I have just written up a post on the topic of busyness and it disappeared into thin air in the middle of spell-check! Yes, I should have saved it so it's really my fault...speaking of heart-breaks, I have something else to share instead.

After 4 decades of being a human on earth and the experiences accumulated hitherto, I dare to say that I don't intend to commit in everything I do. In fact, I prefer not to commit a full 100%. Yes, it sounds unprofessional and even a vice to most people but I am doing it to protect myself from future heart-breaks and disappointment. I don't like to be unappreciated when I have made an effort to perfect a task. I don't need humiliation when people start making comparison. I don't like it when people make me feel like shit and useless just because they themselves have a problem and need to lash it out, or that they have to step all over you to cover up their inadequacies. I just don't have the time and energy to be constantly let down and disappointed.

I share his sentiment when Neil McCauley said in 'Heat', "Allow nothing in your life that you cannot walk out on in 30 seconds flat.". Whatever I bring into my life, I must be able to walk away from at a moment's notice. To do this, we need to practise 'detachment'. 
As we evolve, what we already have, be it a job, a relationship, or a habit, changes and our readiness to walk away means that we are willing to grow and to pursue a better version of ourselves. We ought to walk away when situations no longer add value to our lives (or worse, when they drain value from our lives).

C.S Lewis said, "Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose." I can't agree more.

Tips to get things done without feeling overwhelmed...

I easily get overwhelmed from overloaded information and the fact that I am a scanner, too many projects and tasks on my plate at any one time. Hence, I need a system to relieve my stress and headaches and the best way that works for me is to ask myself a list of questions before starting anything:

• Do I need to do this now? How urgent is this?

And separate tasks into 5 categories: delegate, trash, change, someday, and keep

• Am I the right person to do this? Can I handle this?
• Can I delegate it? DELEGATE NOW.
• Is this something I need to do to move my goals forward?
• Is it simply filling time? TRASH IT NOW.
• Is this the right thing to be doing? 
• Is there something else that might be better to get me where I am going?
• Is this something that needs to  be done now? or something I would like to do in the future?

Then there are the one-off tasks which can be completed within minutes and there are projects which require steps over a period of time.Schedule them in your planner!

You may also keep a list of active projects and a someday / maybe list. I keep them in pretty folders and return to them from time to time for review.

Another way of classifying your tasks is to group them into one of the 3 areas: 

Administration eg. laundry, ashing up

Focus eg. writing your novel, building your business

Spirit eg. making art, reading your favourite book

And make sure the 3 areas are well balanced in your daily schedule.

As much as we wanted to control, there are things which are out of our control. Consider the weather, when we get sick, when and how people die and natural disasters. Organization allows you to be flexible and resolve a problem if the goal changes or that a contingency plan is needed.

Do you find this helpful?

R U Overwhelmed and Stressed Out?

As we are a week into the new school year, emotions of kinds show up in different households and the most common ones are indisputably feeling OVERWHELMED and STRESSED; regardless of your role as a student, a parent, a teacher, or a helper.

Starting a new job teaching full-time, for me, is indeed overwhelming and stressful, especially after being unemployed for 16 months. The new routine, the new environment, the requirements of me, among many other changes, could be worrying, if you allow them to be. I am no expert in stress management but here are my ways to make my life easier in transition:

• let go of some activities on your to-do list, make amendment accordingly. Make sure you know the difference between something being URGENT and IMPORTANT and ask yourself if you can reduce the activities down to a minimum while getting the important ones done.

(REMEMBER: you don't need to be on top of everything and not everything needs doing!)

• take deep, slow and steady breaths to bring your heart rate down (in with the nose and out with the mouth)
• nothing needs to be completed RIGHT NOW so just do ONE little thing at a time like making yourself a cuppa and do only that
• practise meditation and listening to my favourite CDs while dancing to the rhythm
• instead of sitting at your desk tapping away for hours, take breaks in between and move your body ( a short walk nearby the office would suffice)
• before you take your next vacation, you are entitled to change your surroundings by taking some ME time and away from technology; I personally need to be out of the cubicle every now and then to clear my mind and find creative solutions to problems
• get a pet ( I know this is not feasible for everyone but it works miracles!)
• say no and mean it; you can only do so much as a human
• do more of what you love more often
• change what isn't working for you and stop whining about it
• do not worry as it is draining and doesn't help improve the situation
• leave your work at the office, literally and figuratively. Make a clear boundary and only work within the official work hours.
• take your rubber duck with you to the shower/ bath
• I change into my lounge wear IMMEDIATELY as soon as I get home from work and get comfortable
• have a cuppa to unwind
• read something irrelevant to work
• household chores can be calming and soothing after a long day at work (I like the meditative quality they have)
• an hour of TV watching your favourite program helps you to forget about problems at work for a while
• get a good night's sleep

The list is by no means exhaustive so do share your tips with us by leaving a comment.

Indolence?

The human brain works in amazing ways that we don't know much about, unless you are a neuroscientist or some kind of medical professional. However, we laymen can usually identify symptoms which are indeed warning signals from the brain that we are doing too much or not enough. 

I get headaches. I have bouts of writers block. There are times I just don't feel like doing anything. I lose interests in things which I otherwise enjoy, there is a lack of motivation, and there are days when all you want to do is going under the blanket.

You have reached BURNOUTsville!

And this is the time to SWITCH OFF.

It is crucial to set boundaries, be it at work or at home.

I work within my contract hours. I need vacation at least once a year. 

I have 2 days off when my brain goes on holiday.

I suggest turning your brain off REGULARLY and DEEPLY.

Don't mistake productive idleness for vegetating. Productive idleness is an intentional act of retreating from DOING and from public engagement. It is only when we allow ourselves to take a mind break, that the subconscious may surface and new ideas pop up. The downtime also allows us to figure out who we are, what we believe and solutions to problems. EUREKA!

It'd be ideal to go on a retreat at a resort where you sit by the pool sipping Margarita all day long. Not everyone has the privilege to do that but it is possible to escape your life for a little while if you allow it. Even on a weekly basis.

The purpose of a retreat is taking time alone to stay connected to yourself. You get to listen to your inner voice without the distraction from gadgets and people. This is the time when you let yourself breathe in your life as opposed to catching your breath from busyness.

Life seems to be moving at breakneck speed that we hardly have time to process our OWN LIFE, which includes transitions, losses and accomplishments. 

Batteries need to be RECHARGED to function.

So instead of going far, create your own retreat at home. How about booking a hotel room for a day or 2. A change of environment helps a lot. I highly recommend at least once a month to avoid burning out. 

On Confidence...

I got asked many times how I could be so confident (more like looking confident or acting with confidence) but what is IT? According to the dictionary, confidence is defined as the belief in one's power or abilities. If this is the case, I certainly look the part.

My belief is personal and highly subjective, and I am independent of the opinions of others to feel 'successful' as I am aware of my ability and it takes a lot of inner strength to trust yourself. Being a writer and an artist, it takes me ages to be creatively confident, trusting the process with patience. 

To be more confident, here are the 4 major aspects to pay attention to:

• DOUBT less.You are good enough. You can do it.
• Banish ARROGANCE: you don't have all the answers!!! Don't dismiss any ideas that might conflict with what you believe is right.
• Adopt a Beginner's mindset and embrace all possibilities. When you have no expectations and no preconceived ideas but an open mind, you become receptive. 
• Do not be over-confident! And for me as a writer, I enjoy writing about what I don't know much about.

Confidence helps me progress even in the face of fear and adversity, without worrying about failure. Failure is a part of life as we live it, and I can't possibly fail when I refuse to give up. Just pick yourself up, brush the dirt off and keep going. There is always something new, a first time to something and I am adventurous enough to give it a go regardless of the outcome. 

I don't become confident overnight; it takes me years and years of failures to build up my confidence (in myself). How did I do it? 

• willing to be uncomfortable by putting yourself in situations where you are forced to overcome new and unknown obstacles
• commit to learning, adapting and growing
• accept failure 
• it is okay to be wrong as long as you learn from your mistakes
• avoid gossip at all costs and look for the best in others instead
• let go and laugh at yourself when things don't go as planned
• ignore other's opinions (who's asking for opinions anyway???)

I suppose one of the reasons that I exude confidence is that I learn to like myself, do what I enjoy doing and liking how I am doing it. I have been investing in myself since day 1, actively pursuing personal growth and subjects I find fascinating.I am constantly trying new things, developing new skills and meeting new people. I am super careful with how I spend my limited time and energy. Although my body size and shape have gone awry 15 years ago, I don't see myself inferior to super models, and I accept myself the way I am now. I truly believe that I am a person of value, and that I have much to contribute to the world before my last breath. 

When you like yourself, you can't avoid being not confident. You believe you can handle problems and overcome hurdles life throws at you. You understand person has intrinsic value and you would only look for the goodness in others. Without the need to be validated, you are empowered to make a positive impact on others' lives. 

You are worthy.

Talent vs Passion

No-one is born 'useless'. We all have talent of some kind and it is the most expensive service you can offer to the world; because you're naturally good at it and if you take it further, you can certainly make a living out of it. 

I don't understand why people work hard at something they are not naturally good at. You don't get very far even you put in all your might 24/7. Why take the hard way when you can follow your  heart and do what you love and good at?

Talent is a gift we are born with but it doesn't stay stagnant. I have always loved playing with words and the English language / French are my comfort whenever I write. I have the talent but improvement is necessary as I see the worth in writing and I want to get better at it. 

Besides, I can't possibly 'fail' when I use my talent as a means of service. What is unacceptable to others might be good enough from my perspective and there is always room for improvement. I was criticized for producing some crappy web copy from a magazine and instead of crying my eyes out, I got myself a copy of Teach Yourself Copy Writing and determined to learn all about it.

Unlocking your potential is an on-going process. It is crucial that you refine your source of information on a daily basis. Information overload is nothing new to me as I read a lot but I hardly watch the news or pay attention to anything that are not directly concerning my life. I have recently unsubscribed all newsletters which are purely distraction and try to read the ones which are inspiring. 

Having the talent and potential is futile if you don't have discipline and dedication. You must believe that it is possible to get to where you wish to arrive using your talent / potential by putting in the effort. However, talent could be written off easily and it is passion in what you do that fuel the flame and give motivation. Being talented means nothing if the person doesn't practise. 

In a nutshell, passion is far more important that talent. If you are passionate about something, you have no reason not to try. 

SHE's GOT StyLE...

I have always had a sense of STYLE ever since I was a little girl. I remember how I refused being dressed up for parties in bright pink. I have never been interested in fashion; as in following the trend and being part of the herd of worshippers of designer labels. I don't have the patience trying on clothes in my shopping sprees; let alone digging for bargains during the seasonal sales. Basically I know exactly what I want / need and I am too stubborn to take up suggestions of any kinds especially when it comes to fashion. I trust myself enough to decide what is best for me and it is important that I feel comfortable in what I wear.

My clothes or how I present to the world are my visual shorthand. My personal style and preference are what define me, it is my conscious self-expression. I know from experience what suit me and hence I can simply ignore what doesn't. I stick to what I know to be the best fit for me and my personality as I stay away from whatever that is not my cup of tea.We have the freedom to highlight aspects of ourselves including our mood, our fantasies and the roles we play through our choices of what to wear on a daily basis.

Although I don't have a degree in fashion design and none of my magazine subscriptions is fashion related, I am instinctively drawn to clothes that look good on me and I do believe that accessorizing helps to alter the look big time. I have my own colour palette and I stick to the plain and classical as I add accessories to match the occasion. It is the versatility that I like about the combination. I don't want to revamp my wardrobe from one season to the next like a fashion model when I have the basics in store. Of course my taste changes over time in terms of colours and patterns but comfort remains the top factor in my decisions. You won't see me in wedges or killer heels or you would have mistaken me for someone else. 

Knowing what looks good on me saves me a lot of money, effort, and time. On the other hand it is a creative challenge to mix and match, dressing with authenticity and uniqueness while being comfortable. You can probably get to know quite a bit about me by looking at what I wear and how I wear what I wear. Personal style is always evolving but finding out who I am and what I stand for is more important than the latest fashion trend at my age. Fitting in no longer holds me hostage and standing out is only natural when I don't care what others think of me. After all I have to be comfortable in my own skin, together with the freedom and confidence which I gain from being true to myself. 

Meaningful Living

I have literally covered my wall space with paintings and posters I have collected on my previous vacations. I look at them to reminisce the beauty of the natural landscape and the magic of transformation at the end of each trip. And I can't help but feeling stuck in a quagmire, uninspired and loathing life as I am currently experiencing in this concrete jungle, working my arse off to put food on table just to barely survive. I take up all kinds of jobs on an ad hoc basis, without the luxury of choice. Life becomes more than a chore and meaningless as I go about my daily tasks, juggling the balls which are thrown my way.

I am searching for meaning in the remaining years of my life. I want to live in a community and make friends with like-minded souls. I want to pick up my spiritual life once again as it helps to understand life and what it is about. I want a stable income so I don't have to keep worrying about paying for food and grocery at the beginning of the week. I need a job which fuels my passion and capabilities. I want to have purpose, intrinsic satisfaction and meaning in everything I do. In other words, I need to create a meaningful life for myself and for the world.

Authentic relationships are rare these days. How sustainable my business could be when I have problem taking off? Travelling with purpose is a must whenever I fly in the past few decades as I don't travel for travel sake. I can accept a lower income and therefore a lower level of consumption to pursue other life goals such as voluntourism and further education and self-development.

I am diseased...

The past week has been intense; at least for someone who hasn't been 'working' for so so long. 
I am writing freelance for a magazine.
Tried copy writing for the web but failed.
Covering at a learning centre every MORNING freelance.
Preparing demo lesson as part of job interviews for the new school year.
Writing my weekly newsletter.
Writing my blog.
Updating my website.
Constantly learning.
And I am not coping too well; I am sick. I've booked an appointment with my family doctor tomorrow. Yes, it's pretty serious as my tongue and upper palate are in so much pain...and rashes all over my body.
It could be the weather when the humidity level is 95%.
I don't mind juggling between jobs at all; in fact it suits me being a multipotentialite. But yes, there are many challenges ahead of me. 
What I need is to learn how to structure my work. I need to design a system for pivoting between passions and projects, for making daily headway, for meeting my goals and hopefully having an impact on the world. 
But the thing is: I need the stimulation to move forward. I yearn to learn. I thrive on variety. 
Maybe I need to be ruthless about reading my newsletter subscriptions, write less, and be content with my imperfections. There is only so much we can do in a day and over-committing myself worrying that I might be missing out on something is a sure-fire way to frequent your doctor. 
I am gonna rest up this weekend and probably do nothing for a change. I need it.

Take a Staycation...

I'm spending my summer in Hong Kong this year; not that I have become fond of the suppressive heat and smelly body odour you can't avoid travelling in the MTR, I am still trying to pay off my credit card debt from my trip of last year, and not having found a job for over a year certainly doesn't help. It is a bloody tough situation to be in especially for someone who thrives in sub-zero and craves stimulation only changes of scenery can provide to her satisfaction. Yes, I am stuck in this city while trying to remain indoor as much as humanly possible, vowing not to die from a heat stroke. 

Having said that, I can't see why a vacation at home is far-fetching. There are places in town where I have never been to and this is probably the best time to play tourist. (Trust me, I need a map for navigation.) I can make use of the holiday time to pamper myself in large doses which we hardly take the time for. How about trying out new restaurants / cuisine you read about? Make art in your home studio for a weekend and nothing else. Take a nap post breakfast or a siesta in mid afternoon in the air-conditioned hub of yours might seem to be a luxury otherwise. 

You don't have to give yourself a reason to take a vacation; you deserve it regardless and the world will thank you for taking time for yourself! Have a retreat at home if you can't afford the time to be away or the cost of going on a cruise. Nothing beats the time spent in bed reading a great book. A cold shower before bed is indeed soothing in a weather like this. After all, it is the time doing what you love and not what you must or should that matters. We all need to escape our life every now and then. Stopping to be simply feels luxurious.

money or your passion?

Being unemployed for an extended period of time is not funny. And working on something for free or little money makes it seem ridiculous. I carry on my job hunting mission week after week but how do I spend my hours day in and day out indoor and not feeling wasted? I write. Yes, I tap away at my laptop, producing sentences as a freelance writer, for the joy of it as money is the last thing that comes up on the rewarding scale. 

What I do (or don't do) in life is driven by motivation and willpower. Freelance writing doesn't make me wealthy but the job itself resonates with my passion, which is a motivation of putting my thoughts into words and sharing my perspectives with readers. My willpower to build my portfolio and get my writing in print is stronger than ever. In order to keep my motivation and willpower running full throttle, I need to handle what drains me and focus on what drives me. There are many ways of banishing the drains and be more focus every step of my way (which warrants a separate post) but having a clear and compelling why is paramount to my success in whatever I set my mind to. I am not writing freelance because I have nothing better to do; I do it because I grab the opportunity of following my passion in writing, being a member of a team that supports, and building a portfolio with a magazine the philosophy of which resonates with my core being worthy of my time and effort.

I believe I am a worthwhile investment, to myself and whoever employs me. I am seriously committed to my education, skill-building and habit development. I have high expectations of my performance. It is about time, if not sooner, to build and demonstrate patterns of reliability, consistency and persistence; none of which can be bought with cash.

I am a scanner!

I remember how a friend of mine in Canada used to comment on my 'lack of focus' and I felt such a loser everytime I started something and gave up soon enough. I thought I had this flaw in my blood which would destroy me in the end, never amounting to anything for the rest of my life until I came across what Barbara Sher who coined the term 'scanner' had written in her books and my perspective about who I am has changed.

I lose interest in things I thought would interest me forever.

I get bored as soon as I know how to do something.

I can't stand doing anything twice.

I keep going off on another tangent.

I can't pay attention unless I am doing many things at once.

I need to be intellectually challenged all the time.

I am a rule breaker and I hate routines.

I need to be on many projects at the same time, moving from one to another to keep me productive.

I know I don't fit into the accepted norm like the majority who are specialists, people who are satisfied with one area of interest. I am genetically wired to be interested in many things. I am curious and would explore everything that I find interesting. I love reading and writing, creating artwork using different media, designing projects and running a business, and they are of equal importance to my wellbeing. Having said that, I have no problem to focus; just a different way from others. I thrive in multi-doing when I invest the same amount of energy in doing several actions at once, giving me the leeway to divert my attention from one thing to another before boredom strikes. Instead of completing one task at a time each after the other, I have several things running all at once, without the need to complete any of them. This kind of parallel process works exceptionally well for long term projects like writing a book or making artwork.

As  a self employed multipotentialite, I juggle between freelance writing, social media marketing, making artwork, selling on Etsy, teaching, curating my website, blogging, producing newsletter, creating e-courses and many more ideas incubating in my head. I am no superwoman but I learn to focus on the present moment in whatever I do and be mindful. I am constantly brainstorming and mindmapping the gazillion things I want to do.  I like to list out my goals and when I merge them with my interests, I figure out what I need to focus on. Rather than being caught in a dilemma of either-or, I get to design my life to indulge in my quirky passions. Multipotentiality is for life and we don't have to do everything all at once. There are always new ideas, projects and interests coming as we crave every new learning opportunity to which we are addicted. It is okay to change gears as our energy and enthusiasm ebb and flow. Each action however small is worthy of celebration. There is no shortage of inspiration for scanners!

Social Media madness

The e-course which lasted 6 weeks is finally over and although I have picked up bits and pieces and have a general idea of the use of social media platforms in marketing, I am still stuck in getting the technical issues right, not to mention the overwhelming amount of info to digest and apply in real life. 

My inbox is full to the brim, getting on average 100 emails a day since the course started. It seems to me that the instant and constant connectivity has become a time sucking and soul crushing burden when you are invited to like, tweet, repost, pin and plus...the process is wearing me down big time. Do people honestly read that many posts in a day? How many sites do we traverse? How many profile is enough?

The best technological advance I can relate to is the birth of the digital camera. Social media platforms are useful but the cons outweigh the pros in my case. The ceaseless influx of email notifications and connection is stealing my precious time and energy which can be readily applied on my writing and artwork. I feel like a hamster on wheel, unable to get off  even though I feel sick and dizzy.

I refuse to be controlled by the virtual reality when I choose to spend more technology free days embracing life.

How are you? Busy.

In response to everyday greetings like 'How are you?" or "How is life going?", "Busy." seems to be the norm and highly valued, as if not being busy is equivalent to being a loser, someone living a life below standard, with all the negative connotations which are both explicitly and implicitly entertained.

It is an illusion. There is no glorification of busyness. Life is not about cramping everything on your to-do list and checking them at the end of the day with a smile on your face. Busyness means nothing when you are not being productive, when you are not working on tasks / projects that mean to you, when you are just killing time doing other things to look busy, all the while procrastinating on things that might seem intimidating. It is a limiting factor to our potential.

I am a workaholic but I only enjoy being busy when I am doing something that I love. Yes, there are household duties to be done and errands to be run but ultimately it is up to me to decide how busy I want. I find my planner the most valuable tool for schedule and appointment. I even schedule in my down time and try to live up to it. I recommend revisiting your priorities every now and then to determine how much time is dedicated to meaningful pursuits and contributions. 

As I am owning less these days, I feel myself more rested and at peace with what I already have. I tend to have more time and space (both physically and mentally) to allow breaks and space in my otherwise busy day. Saying 'no' to less important commitments undoubtedly leads to more 'yes' to tasks that delight you.

I hired a virtual assistant for my website at the very beginning when I knew nothing about CMS. Delegating is necessary when you are overwhelmed and stressed out. Eliminate what is making you inefficient and focus on your strengths instead. I am also limiting myself to checking emails to once a day in the evening.  Taking sabbaticals is on top of my priority list as I am always inspired and stimulated by my experience overseas. 

To end the piece, I wish to bring up the major culprit to our busyness, being addicted to information consumption. I am no tech wizard but can't help myself being drawn to the process of acquiring info. I am so used to going through my day trying to collect as much as I can as if my life depends on it but how much of it is relevant, or worthy of my time? My inbox is constantly overflowing with new info, new notifications, new discussion threads, most of them are inapplicable or pure time consuming.

Stop the influx with a limitation. Take your time to digest the info you are taking in and sift out the trivial. Your brain can only process so much on a given day and it is our call to decide how much we are prepared to be busy.

online overload!!!

It's been a freaking crazy week; well I have no-one to blame but myself. To recap what I have done, here is the list:

• took up a new student who needs some private English tutoring
• driving myself mad -week 5 into the e-course on social media marketing with so much to learn and so much to do for assignment
• wrote my weekly e-newsletter SLLM which didn't turn up in inboxes in pretty html mode...
• asked for help at Mailchimp to solve the problem
• going through email subscriptions which are worthy of my time
• practise connecting using Twitter, FB, Linked In and Pinterest
• making contact with people who might be interested in working in collaboration
• sent out job application 
• approached some NGO for volunteering work
• read 3 crime novels a week
• wrote this blog post and a snippet on art journaling
• attended a couple of job interviews
• filed a whole stack of paper sitting on the floor

That's quite a lot to accomplish in a week! I can't help but contemplate about my lifestyle only to find that I were an info junkie!!! I want to be challenged, moved, engaged, outraged by what I read. Meanwhile I feel simply overwhelmed knowing that the path of info abstinence will be neither straight or smooth. And guess what? I don't even have a smartphone to play with!!! 24/7 connectivity is definitely not my cup of tea!

I am deep in info overload. My peeps suffer big time. Social media platforms are extremely usefuland almost indispensible these days so I am using Hootsuite to consolidate my accounts. I am minimising my subscription both on and offline, trying to skim blogs instead of reading the whole post. It is indeed draining to be in the sea of connection.I need to start weeding out after I complete the e-course for the sake of my sanity. I need to find the good sources and the right quantities. I need to reduce my consumption and right-size what I am taking in. 

I want to be freed from being constantly connected; even if that means being anti-social. I need to show some self-restraint with a timer. I need to focus more on producing writing instead of making others' my priority.  Another addiction to fight off...and a tough one too.