My understanding of DEATH

I have lost my cousin and my dad recently and to be honest, I stopped crying soon after the cremation and instead learned a few things in the process of grieving. Of course I miss them and I think of them every so often but I am now less fearsome than ever in 'living' my remaining years. 

Aging in itself is a slow and torturous process. I feel my soul has long gone to join the dead and medication, being one of my major expenses, is the remedy to fix the temporary problems both physically and mentally and to keep my zombie self function. This body of mine is simply a shell and is sustained with long term medication, which can be discarded anytime. I don't know how much longer before my body dies on me but the more I think about the issue of mortality, the more I am at peace with myself.

I am not religious and the reward of an afterlife doesn't exist in my vocabulary. Simply put, I am not at all afraid of death; being fully aware of the inevitability of a phase as humans. All I want is to make sure that I am allowed to cross over in ways of my choice. Euthanasia if I have a terminal illness and dying alone in the snow if killing myself is the only option. Maybe this is one of the many reasons that I opt to stay single and alone. Being a mystery as it is, we cannot hurry it (unless committing suicide) or delay it (with even more medication and technology), I can only train myself to accept what happens (say in an accident) and take life a day at a time. I am also more mindful in each moment these days and go easy with a lot of things. And this could well be the attraction to a simple life.

We are not born to stay forever. In fact, we are spiritual beings visiting the physical world like a tourist. Having a body which requires constant repair is not funny and there is nothing wrong with choosing death over life; being both sides of the same coin. I personally feel that I am a stardust hanging invisibly in the sky, filling space in the name of civilization. Why is it that we have no right to choose to exist or not? One of my favourite sayings is: This too shall pass. It has helped me many times over when I was in difficult situations of adversity. We are all fleeting away and I always remind myself of the impermanence of everything, that now is all I have in this moment. 

When my time comes, I shall gladly receive the gift, knowing that it is the best time to go. 

Here is a poem I wish to dedicate to my readers and myself:

I know death is just around the corner
We are playing hide-and-seek
The clock is ticking all right
But the battery is running low.

I am not surprised 
To see the corpse of my father.
Free of pain and diseases
Sleeping well in peace.

Life is full of challenges and opportunities 
But it can get overwhelming
When the body stops working 
The visit is over.

Why be so concerned with our differences
When we all share a common fate of finality.
There is always enough
But nothing goes into the grave.