My response these days to 'How are you?' is usually 'I exist. Thanks.' Maybe that is exactly how I am, merely existing, taking up space, instead of 'living a full life' in Utopia. I don't feel much either, numb to both positive and negative experiences. I am physically moving, going from point A to B, but my mind is blank, half-conscious of what is happening around me; indifferent to news bites. I am either busying myself writing in front of my computer or burying my nose in books and magazines, submerging my sanity in a fictitious world, which is still a better choice than being in the real world, in Hong Kong.
Life is supposed to be enjoyed and appreciated, not endured and tolerated; the latter of which is what constitutes to my anger towards the world at large. The older I get, the less tolerant I become:
- I stop letting people control my emotions.
- I am not here to live up to anyone's expectation. I can only do my best.
- I learn to accept instead of complain. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
- I am not my past failures.
- Stay away from mediocrity; make it big.
- Let go when I have to
- I am 100% apologetically myself.
Tolerance is bleeding me dry. I am spending all my energy tolerating when I feel so powerless to live. It is like being on autopilot, eyes wide open yet not seeing, arms out in front, yet never feeling,one foot in front of the other yet going nowhere. How can I live a greater existence?
I need to challenge myself to live for myself and my own values, ideas, and dreams.
I need to do what matters most to me, now and not later. I need to live with purpose and the way I preach. I am working to create a life that feels right to me.
Do you merely exist or are you living?
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