It's been exactly 2 years since I last worked as a private English teacher which provided me with a relatively stable income and a pretty easy life. I have never stopped searching for work and attending interviews is a full time job itself! I have been working every single day to reboot, refocus and reinvent, creating projects in the hope of making enough to pay the bills, taking up online courses to be better equipped and make myself more marketable, and consistently posting my blog and newsletter to share my perspective on life. Alas, nothing remotely suitable came up and it is so so sad to be in a retirement phase at mid-forties. I suffer from the constant blow of rejection which is an absolute confidence buster as I question myself now and again if I am ever good at what I do. I am indeed exhausted, loaded with a kind of heaviness which is crushing my skeleton into shards. I am no longer angry but have turned indifferent to the ups and downs in this lame ass roller-coaster ride. I don't have much of an expectation of anything to avoid disappointment and I am learning to accept the flow of life as it unfolds.
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