I totally lost it...3 weeks into my new job...

Having been my own boss for over a decade makes working full-time for others intolerable, if not impossible. In my previous job as a private English teacher, I got to choose the students to take on, my work day didn't start until late afternoon which worked perfectly for someone who waked up late. I got to create custom made syllabus for my students and I saw immeasurable results which was indeed satisfying. Having one-on-one lessons meant a deeper understanding and bonding with my students. Of course there were the downside but it lasted me 12 odd years.

Working full-time i.e. 40 hours at the centre plus another 20 for commute a week, I have literally zero time for myself. I close my sore eyes on public transportation when I used to devour 3 books a week. The work itself sucks all the energy out of me and I feel drained and numb by the end of the day, not to mention the amount of paracetamal to keep my migrine away. My creativity goes on the back burner and all I wanted is to relax in front of the TV as soon as I get home. I even limited my newsletter / blog subscription to a bare minimal as I simply have no time to read!

Maybe I have over-estimated myself at the very beginning. I should have started part-time and learned more about the curriculum before I commit. I am overwhelmed by the workload assigned to me, and I am not getting younger. I lost it after being criticised for a faulty lesson plan I was responsible to write up. I couldn't help it especially when it sounded like an attack and humiliation. All I wanted is to get the job done, have fun teaching the kids, and trust that my colleagues are helping me out with productive advices. I don't like the methodology which I personally find boring and totally uncreative. Teaching something I don't approve of renders my job meaningless. Is it really worthy of my time,energy, brain cells and physical efforts for the monthly salary which is in disproportion to the amount of work and sacrifices?

Why am I slaving away for the benefit of the boss? My salary is fixed regardless of my level of commitment. This is just prostituting and no wonder my soul is crushed. Being the way I am, I won't back off and I am prepared for the 'worst' which I don't mind though as I get my sanity and wellbeing back.