Beat the kindergartens...

I was on the verge of tears this past week after my 4 hours of teaching at the centre. I was so so disappointed at myself; as I felt that I wasn't delivering the lessons as expected and my lesson plans simply weren't good enough. There was no satisfaction in getting the students occupied but not quite learning what they were coming for. No, nobody complained about my incompetence but I have a hard time accepting mediocrity. Yes, I am a perfectionist and possibly an over-achiever too!

After much contemplation, I decide:

1. to accept my strengths and weaknesses, knowing that there is only so much I can do 
2. that I cannot possibly control everything; that everyone has his own battles and priorities, and I can only control my way of thinking
3. that I don't need to prove anything to anyone
4. to forget the past mistakes and move on
5. to be proactive rather than reactive
6. not to compromise my values for anything
7. to live in the moment and at my own pace
8. to let go whatever is holding me back
9. to take myself less seriously

I didn't see the challenges and trials when I signed the work contract. What I expect to happen and the reality of the situation are 2 different things. I feel defeated when I am not in control. Teaching kindergartens phonics should have been a piece of cake to me except it wasn't. What I have experienced in the past month has woke me up to a few issues:

• Not every kid was born an indigo child or gifted and every student should be given a chance to succeed
• life isn't fair, period.
• life is hard
• I don't have the power to change anyone other than myself
• I am not in this world to live up to others' expectations, nor should I feel that others are here to live up to mine
• when I stop expecting people to be a certain way, I can begin to appreciate them
• not being okay all the time is perfectly okay

It is very unlikely that I can get stuck in a situation like this after 12 years of teaching. Maybe I have never been good with kids under 6 years old! I am well and truly beaten by kindergartens but I am not gonna surrender but focus on feasible, actionable-right-now tasks. I am going to make every lesson more fun and effective. There will be more challenges ahead of me to be overcome. I will be putting in more work and make what is 'impossible' an accomplishment.