It's been an exceptionally quiet week as far as responses to my job application is concerned. The phone ain't ringing and there weren't email invitations to interviews. Self-doubt is creeping in, I feel stuck in a quagmire and utterly miserable. But not for long.
I try listening to my soul and I just can't settle for the second best.
I am learning to let go of what was never really there. Not everything is meant to be. Maybe I was wrong about it all along.
I need to forget the shadows and focus on the silver lining. Quitting my full-time job which only lasted a month ain't pretty but I need to remain positive, knowing that I would be appreciated elsewhere.
The reality of the job market is bleak and I am working on ways to change my situation.
I also have to remind myself of my integrity; and refuse to compromise what I believe in.
Instead of fighting life, I choose to flow with the unpleasant time by upgrading myself, enjoying my moments in my studio, and prepare for the opportunities which might be knocking on my door any moment.
Meanwhile, I need to get out of my comfort zone and do something with my ideas such as writing up biz proposals, making contact with other makers for collaboration opportunities, and carry on making art.
I also need to be easier on myself especially in times like this. I screwed up in my last job and I was so disappointed with myself but I have no regret whatsoever. Rather than beating myself up mercilessly, I gain some perspectives about my choice and my abilities. I came to realise that working 40 hours is too much for my body and my mind. I find that I really enjoy my teaching hours with the kids but terrified by writing lesson plans without much support.
How could I possibly discount my success in teaching after 12 years of dedication with children and adults who have appreciated my effort and heart with remarkable results?
I am only human and setback is normal and inevitable. I won't look back but now that I get to know myself a bit more, it's time to forgive myself and move on and forward.
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